The Smilies Defense
Okay.. since things are very quiet here (for the most part).. I thought I’d post something of an “Intermission” of sorts..
Now.. to those of you new comers here.. you may have noticed that I sometimes speak rather highly (or lowly) (depending on how you view these things) about a certain identity-morphing personage I've reverently dubbed his Lordship.. but just who is this Lordship person? you must be wondering.. well, he happens to be a barrister.. yes, a barrister in merry old brit land.. thus all those [not-so-subtle] allusions to all the wigs 'n robes 'n other unmentionables n’ such (a sub-subject I promised never to get into [as it were] again)..
ANYWAY.. I thought in order to introduce you to the keen legal mind of this Lordship personage, I'd re-post for you one of his most famous cases: The Smilies Defense, which was first posted on George.Wright's "Turn your cow eyes away".. some time in October of 2008.. Oh.. also.. this might explain (fairly thoroughly, in fact) something of my aversion to using smilies, as I happen to be the defendant in this case.. Oh, I might note.. the none-stop cryer of a smiler seems to be dry of tears these days.. Jarkko must be cutting back, it seems, and so the tears had to go.. (and just when we needed them most, I might add)..
.. so here goes The Smilies Defense:
[Violet]: You know, the more I stare at those stupid little smilies (the ones you see over to the right when you're writing a new post) the more I understand the nature of murder itself.. actually, that's something I should probably talk to his Lordship about... I mean, it might make for a powerful legal strategy: The Smilies Defense.. I can see it now..
[His Lordship at Court]: She was sucked into the insipid orbit of those blasted smilies, your honor. That is the basis of this defense. I mean, if you would consider for a moment, your honor, the static, insipid smiler, for example
-- just rest your eyes on that mindless crouton for a minute and see how you fare. Or add squinty eyes, your honor, and some incessant jerking of the mouth muscles 
-- or better yet, add some blood curdling crimson to that big, fat, opened-mouth of a smiler 
, you can't imagine what that does to one's blood pressure -- why someone who'd never had a violent impulse in her life is surely to go off on that one.. and what of that bratty little "mom, I'm going to hold my breath 'til I expire" red-infused, not-even-smiling smiler 
-- or the never stop crying smiler, with those inordinately large cry-on-cue mechanically engineered tears 
(just what are they trying to say with that one, anyway??).. or the feigned innocent, rolling-your-big-black-bug-eyes-around-the-room smiler 
(I'd nearly choked someone myself after being sucked into staring at that one for a few magnetic moments).. or the fragment-of-a-smile, feel sorry for this crippled sampling of humanity smiler 
(I nearly crushed a prosecutor, if you recall, your honor, after taking a good long gander at that one).. So you see, your honor, there's just no telling what this mad house of a smilies menagerie, if I may call it that -- well, what it could incite given the right, forced-to-stay-at-one's-desk-all-weekend-then-go-out-on-the-street-for-a-moment-to- buy-some-toilet-paper-[make that a loo roll]-as-it-happens-and-get-into-a-slight-fender-bender sort of circumstance in which murderous violence is surely the only reasonable next step --.. anyway, since these insipid smilers don't seem to be going anywhere, it's good to know a good defense attorney, methinks.. (just in case)..
v i o l e t (flower)..
