A few juvenile lines.

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Dead Man
Posts: 29
Joined: Tue Dec 20, 2005 9:54 pm
Location: The Great Jerusalem of the North

A few juvenile lines.

Post by Dead Man »

1.
The bus is packed
Dirt on the windows
Home could be
In any direction

2.
I had to give up smoking
But I still have a pack
I keep hidden away
Who from?

3.
When it all comes down to dust
I realize
There's plenty
For all of us
So let's not worry about
The verdict.
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lizzytysh
Posts: 25531
Joined: Thu Jun 27, 2002 8:57 pm
Location: Florida, U.S.A.

Post by lizzytysh »

Hi DM [I prefer that to speaking out a fate, that I've always felt can be summoned via speaking it into reality] ~

Your comment in the News section just answered the question I had here, regarding your avatar and location. So, you are from and living in Jerusalem?

These are very interesting, contemplative lines you've written. Your first verse is very descriptive of your immediate, physical environment; the second of your emotional, with the hoarding; and the third of your philosophical. I like the way your verses built upon each other and your conclusion. The first paints a picture of poverty; the second of some possession of goods, with due questioning; and your final one of wealth, albeit very much that of spirit.

Welcome to the Forum :D .


~ Lizzy
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Dead Man
Posts: 29
Joined: Tue Dec 20, 2005 9:54 pm
Location: The Great Jerusalem of the North

Post by Dead Man »

that's just a phrase Lenny once used to refer to Montreal; that's my location.
Sorry, if I misled you.
As for my hamfisted attempt at poetry, thanks for the appreciations.

I was looking for some news about our man, and I stumbled upon this place again.
It's good to be back.
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lizzytysh
Posts: 25531
Joined: Thu Jun 27, 2002 8:57 pm
Location: Florida, U.S.A.

Post by lizzytysh »

Ah, no problem... thanks for the clarification. Goodness... he's there often. I would think any tour might well include Montreal as a given.

This time, maybe you'll bookmark/Favorites this site, so you don't have to concern yourself with any broken bones in the future. A stumble can lead to a trip which can end in a fall.

Glad you found us, again... if there's ever to be a tour, this will be the place to learn of it.


~ Lizzy
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Dead Man
Posts: 29
Joined: Tue Dec 20, 2005 9:54 pm
Location: The Great Jerusalem of the North

Post by Dead Man »

I asked my master
If there can be such a thing
As a wild, untamed spirit
When we are all bound by duty
But he pretended not to hear me
Steven
Posts: 2140
Joined: Tue May 03, 2005 12:32 am

Re: A few juvenile lines.

Post by Steven »

Hi Dead Man,

Interesting verses and avatar... both can suggest life affirmation or
nihilism. First verse, haiku-like in its conciseness. Second verse,
zen-koan like. Third verse, can be connective of all three verses.
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