Poem H:
White Flowers
Two girls climbing trees 'til sunset
weaving endless chains of daisies
Pretty you lie on warm green grass
wreathed in happy white flowers
Sharing secrets swimming rivers
playing games in shadowy woods
forging a lifetime allegiance
in sun-steeped innocent hours
Now you lie in oblivion
in the back of a long black car
drowned in an abysmal shadow
in chill still darkness devoured
Pale sad letters of your glad name
woven from sprightly carnations
Cold you lie in a box of wood
wreathed in happy white flowers
Poem H
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darkladyali
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Andrew (Darby)
- Posts: 1117
- Joined: Sat Jul 06, 2002 5:46 pm
- Location: Melbourne, Australia
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Diane
Thanks Andrew. I am genuinely surpised that my poem won. I am in the middle of reading the other entries and some of them are very good.
The beginning and end came quite easily but I struggled with the middle bit and never seemed to get it quite right.
The poem is about my cousin and dearest friend, Joy, who died last year. Some of you may recall me talking about it on here.
In the poem I wanted to capture the stark contrast that I knew I'd have to deal with, the moment I first saw her coffin on the day of her funeral. The contrast between all the happy times we'd shared since childhood, and the endless loss that was all there was, then. But it's a rather grim poem.
Diane
The beginning and end came quite easily but I struggled with the middle bit and never seemed to get it quite right.
The poem is about my cousin and dearest friend, Joy, who died last year. Some of you may recall me talking about it on here.
In the poem I wanted to capture the stark contrast that I knew I'd have to deal with, the moment I first saw her coffin on the day of her funeral. The contrast between all the happy times we'd shared since childhood, and the endless loss that was all there was, then. But it's a rather grim poem.
Diane
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Nightstalker
- Posts: 142
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- Location: rural NC USA
Dear Diane ~
Congratulations, dear friend. The extra time allotted for you was well worth it. I know how much your poem needed to be written. It found its way to paper and, even if you had not won the contest, you still would have won. Finding the right words to speak your feelings was the real challenge you were facing and you won. Your poem needed to be written whether there was a contest or not. The contest gave you the opportunity and framework for doing what you needed to do.
Commemorating, as you have, your 'old love' with your cousin and dearest friend, Joy, with your own 'love letter,' including those that comprise her name appearing in white flowers, has brought smiles from Joy wherever she is. As Nightstalker has said, it's very beautiful and very evocative, and that's just as she was. I'm so deeply sorry for your loss; so soon, too soon, so profound.
Even with its sadness, your beautiful poem will be another lasting memory of Joy.
Love,
Elizabeth
Congratulations, dear friend. The extra time allotted for you was well worth it. I know how much your poem needed to be written. It found its way to paper and, even if you had not won the contest, you still would have won. Finding the right words to speak your feelings was the real challenge you were facing and you won. Your poem needed to be written whether there was a contest or not. The contest gave you the opportunity and framework for doing what you needed to do.
Commemorating, as you have, your 'old love' with your cousin and dearest friend, Joy, with your own 'love letter,' including those that comprise her name appearing in white flowers, has brought smiles from Joy wherever she is. As Nightstalker has said, it's very beautiful and very evocative, and that's just as she was. I'm so deeply sorry for your loss; so soon, too soon, so profound.
Even with its sadness, your beautiful poem will be another lasting memory of Joy.
Love,
Elizabeth
Diane,
Congratulations. There is something so surreal in seeing the coffin. A ritual we need go through; but oh how painful. You painted the different times; from the innocent moments with your cousin to the funeral. As Nightstalker said, so evocatively. Death is not pleasant - a reason we have so much religion. Many can't handle it. You will never lose the memory of Joy's Love; never. This will sustain you Diane even with your forever aching heart. She is with you.
Adam
Congratulations. There is something so surreal in seeing the coffin. A ritual we need go through; but oh how painful. You painted the different times; from the innocent moments with your cousin to the funeral. As Nightstalker said, so evocatively. Death is not pleasant - a reason we have so much religion. Many can't handle it. You will never lose the memory of Joy's Love; never. This will sustain you Diane even with your forever aching heart. She is with you.
Adam
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Byron
- Posts: 3171
- Joined: Tue Nov 26, 2002 3:01 pm
- Location: Mad House, Eating Tablets, Cereals, Jam, Marmalade and HONEY, with Albert
You let us into your heart. A very difficult thing to do in such a public place. You've mastered your emotions and given all of us a piece of the special time and life you had, to be followed with the pain and the grasping of mortality. Thank you and well deserved.
"Bipolar is a roller-coaster ride without a seat belt. One day you're flying with the fireworks; for the next month you're being scraped off the trolley" I said that.
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Diane
Congratulations. You'll be famous all over Berlin. Maybe the new Chancellor will even host a reception for you.
p.s. Just read your notes on the poem...
p.s. Just read your notes on the poem...
Last edited by Kush on Wed Mar 08, 2006 2:21 am, edited 1 time in total.
Dear Diane~
First off, at the risk of sounding too esoteric, after I had narrowed it down to the top 3 poems, I just "felt" like this one should be the winner. Now I know why. It is an omen, a nudge. You were open enough to even consider putting your pain down on paper and went the step further to distance yourself for the sake of the task. Not an easy feat. So the stars aligned and the intentions were pure and voila, a poem was born from life and from loss, but mostly the life. That period at the end of the sentence (called life) is not a summation of who and what we were, it is just where the pain lies. But you have all that good stuff to embrace, that parts that really matter.
I was going to say something to the winner (who turns out was You) regarding the missing punctuation. It made the reading difficult. But, I'll just not mention it, considering...
I was impressed with the meter of 8 counts, except for the refrain ("wreathed in happy white flowers") being 7. It was a bit of detail that I admire. I assumed that such an occurance would have to be by design. I'll leave it up to you tell tell me if it was planned or if it was by 'accident.' It was part of what initially drew my attention to your poem.
Nice poem. Me and the Universe thought so
Laurie
First off, at the risk of sounding too esoteric, after I had narrowed it down to the top 3 poems, I just "felt" like this one should be the winner. Now I know why. It is an omen, a nudge. You were open enough to even consider putting your pain down on paper and went the step further to distance yourself for the sake of the task. Not an easy feat. So the stars aligned and the intentions were pure and voila, a poem was born from life and from loss, but mostly the life. That period at the end of the sentence (called life) is not a summation of who and what we were, it is just where the pain lies. But you have all that good stuff to embrace, that parts that really matter.
I was going to say something to the winner (who turns out was You) regarding the missing punctuation. It made the reading difficult. But, I'll just not mention it, considering...
I was impressed with the meter of 8 counts, except for the refrain ("wreathed in happy white flowers") being 7. It was a bit of detail that I admire. I assumed that such an occurance would have to be by design. I'll leave it up to you tell tell me if it was planned or if it was by 'accident.' It was part of what initially drew my attention to your poem.
Nice poem. Me and the Universe thought so
Laurie
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Andrew (Darby)
- Posts: 1117
- Joined: Sat Jul 06, 2002 5:46 pm
- Location: Melbourne, Australia
Diane
Thanks for sharing the moving personal experience and feelings behind your poem - it may be grim, but its profound beauty, humanity and emotional integrity eclipses that anyway.
Cheers
Andrew (Darby)
Thanks for sharing the moving personal experience and feelings behind your poem - it may be grim, but its profound beauty, humanity and emotional integrity eclipses that anyway.
Cheers
Andrew (Darby)
'I cannot give the reasons
I only sing the tunes
The sadness of the seasons
The madness of the moons'
~ Mervyn Peake ~
I only sing the tunes
The sadness of the seasons
The madness of the moons'
~ Mervyn Peake ~
Dear Diane ~
The starkness of contrast in your last two lines is so impacting, as it resonates back to all that the white flowers represent.
The order of those same, two lines also gives it a poignancy beyond what it would have been if they had been reversed. You still choose to end with a reminiscence of the flowers rather than the box of wood.
Love,
Lizzy
The starkness of contrast in your last two lines is so impacting, as it resonates back to all that the white flowers represent.
The order of those same, two lines also gives it a poignancy beyond what it would have been if they had been reversed. You still choose to end with a reminiscence of the flowers rather than the box of wood.
Love,
Lizzy