Dance Me

[George. Wright]

dance me through the andes and the risk of those being nice
dance me to the heaven's and the thought's thrice
dance me to the creation
and the sporty spice
dance me to the end of the dove

dance me to the light at the end of the crack
dance me to your ribbions and the thought of a panic attack
cruise me and bruise me and the rollers and the rack
dance me to the end of the above
dance me to the end of the above

[guest]

A strange poem, intentionally so?

[George.Wright]

It was not a good poem
but an opener
and of course strange
georges

[Andrew McGeever]

I tried to get through, but it didn't work.Will this message?

[Andrew McGeever]

Yes, it has! George, your poem isn't a "good poem"; it's not a poem at all.
Your attempts to rhyme, at all cost, lead you into cringing line endings e.g. "thrice", "nice", and , worst of all, "sporty spice". What, I ask, is this to do with poetry, and why hijack such a beautiful song (Dance Me To The End Of Love) for such a trivial purpose?
Yours, Andrew.

[Sandra]

(I apologize for my english)

From the man that masters
I have learnt the song of silence
Now I know what you say without words
Love! when you talk with my skin
When you appear among the daily bodies
Dont let the words break this moment
of total understanding...

[lizzytysh]

That's beautiful, Sandra. It also speaks to moments and times I have personally experienced. I don't know how you feel your command of English has deterred from it; however, from my perspective, it hasn't at all. Thanks for sharing it here.

Lizzytysh

[George.Wright]

Thanks for your comments on Dance me, poetry is an expression of feelings at the time. You should learn to chill out, Andrew.
Georges

[Sandra]

George!
For some reason (vanity?) your poem touches me.....
It seems I put mine in the wrong place (?)

lizzietysh thank you for your comments

[Zeus]

Sporty Spice - Didn't she marry a football player?

[George.Wright]

My poem is rubbish, yours is very Lorca like and beautifull. Thanks for sharing it. When i am more inspired, i will write better.
Georges

[George.Wright]

She married Beckham.
Georges

[Pedant]

dance me through the andes and the risk of those being nice
dance me to the heaven's and the thought's thrice
dance me to the creation
and the sporty spice
dance me to the end of the dove

dance me to the light at the end of the crack
dance me to your ribbions and the thought of a panic attack
cruise me and bruise me and the rollers and the rack
dance me to the end of the above
dance me to the end of the above

Sorry, I have been slow responding to this poem.

Capital A for Andes in the first line. I'll get back to you on the rest soon and then work through the remainder of the posts here.

[Young dr. Freud]

George,

I see Pedant has brought you to the forefront. It is Hark from the Tomb.

A lot of people on this board are interchangable. Your voice is peculiarly your own. You are an Original. Come back. I would like more poems about panic attacks.

Pay no attention to the cookie-cutters.


YdF

[Pedant]

George,

I see Pedant has brought you to the forefront. It is Hark from the Tomb.

A lot of people on this board are interchangable. Your voice is peculiarly your own. You are an Original. Come back. I would like more poems about panic attacks.

Pay no attention to the cookie-cutters.


YdF

I agree with Dr Fred.



Continuing my line-by-line analysis- Line2 reads "dance me to the heaven's and the thought's thrice" - you have each time misused the apostrophe.