I'll not love again

[Violet]

Hi Casey, hi I.F.,

Casey, the hawk photos and experience that went along with them are rather cool.. I sometimes feel couped up in this city, and envy you that great landscape and impressive birds and animal life, although I'm sure if I were a bit more outdoorsy, I'd find some comparable stuff in and around the city.. but.. (actually, it might be my "cancer moon".. which makes me something of a homebody)..

... sorry, Casey, I've been out of commission, thread wise.. I do feel the depression I was experiencing for so long now is lifting, and I might even be out of the hangover part.. so maybe The Dark Night of the Soul is finished.. (I hope).. only I'm in something of a blank zone, if that makes any sense.. there are certain things I wanted to post here, but I'm experiencing a loss of heart for some reason.. it's not about this thread, or about you, or anything like that.. I'm just sort of in a place where it almost feels like I'm accomplishing a great deal just by staring at a blank wall.. that may sound odd, but it's true.. so.. it's all I can do to focus on the work I'm supposed to be doing right now, let alone come up with something interesting for this thread (providing, of course, anything I've been posting so far could be characterized as interesting)..

.. anyway, just thought I'd give the "v i o l e t report"... and hopefully it's just a phase of some sort.. so.. oh, I didn't meant to rhyme(!)..

Anyway, I hope you'll carry on with anything that's of interest to you, and I'll see what happens to my internal self over time..

my best to you all.. v i o l e t (flower).. I just had a late night snack I probably shouldn't have had late at night.. has anyone ever tasted Chorizo??..

[imaginary friend]

Hi V.,

Words of support from our hero (via son, Adam) in Montreal Gazette article (that's well worth reading - this is from a thread in the News section):


http://www.montrealgazette.com/mobile/i ... id=2527738

"He always said that just when you want to give up, and you’ve put break-back hours into a song, that’s when you should consider the work having commenced. That’s when you should consider your job having actually started,” he said. “My father said it’s in that exhaustion and sense of hopelessness on the doorstep of defeat that – if you can actually pass that threshold – you get to the good stuff."

XO
your IFriend

[Violet]

.. Hi I.F.,

You know, it's interesting.. this cross pollination thing, in the arts, I mean.. I have a complicated relationship to "Art," as in the Art World, proper..

.. hmm.. I don't quite know how to put this.. let me just say that there are things that you probably should do, and things you probably should never do, career wise, as an artist, and I've probably done everything one should never do, and so the art world is not a very hospitable place for me just now.. although for the time being, at least, I'm concentrating on filmmaking, where.. well.. we'll see.. it's an enormous challenge in its own right..

.. Anyway, for me, my sense of writing poetry might be comparable to the way Leonard thinks of doing drawings and paintings.. I feel freed up in a way to sort of do whatever I feel compelled to do to express myself through poetry -- maybe because I wasn't "trained" as a poet.. similarly, Leonard may feel a certain freedom when it comes to his drawing and painting, since his ego isn't tied to these things in the same way it would be with his songwriting and poetry..

.. for me, that exhaustion and difficulty Leonard is talking about has come up for me when doing other kinds of writing.. especially when I was quite young, and I was involved in writing a rather unique sort of theoretical/conceptual "art speak," as it were, which had its poetic moments as well (along with comedic ones).. and actually, it was that writing that unwittingly served to help me -- as a sort of training ground, I mean -- when I went to write screenplays, since this art writing I was doing was involved with dialogue, and timing, etc.. and so I'd been practicing screenplay writing, in a way.. only I didn't realize it at the time..

.. but as far as writing poetry goes.. I don't know, for me it starts with a feeling, I guess, and then it comes down to a focused endeavor of refinement.. in other words, I think that, as a process, I can manage to write what I consider to be a good poem without having to die first, then come back from the dead (!).. however, having said that, I do feel that feelings of tremendous loss or grief (outside of the writing process, I mean) can give rise to some of the best poems.. for me, at least..

Anyway, my own suffering right now in an artistic sense is mostly because of external things, and not because of the process of art making itself.. but that's what can be so challenging.. all the business and social posturing stuff that goes with being an artist.. I admit, I've never been very good at these sorts of things.. I mean, I'm just not a "political animal," as it were.. but maybe, now that This Dark Night I've been experiencing seems to be lifting, I'll have a new perspective on things.. or maybe I'll have.. dare I say it.. some luck..

.. so.. that's my more comprehensive "v i o l e t report" for now..


.. thanks for the input, I.F.. (hi Casey).. signed.. v i o l e t (flower).. hmm.. haven't had a cup of tea in quite some time now.. does that mean it's.. tea time??

[imaginary friend]

Hi V. Hi Casey

Casey, I've been thinking back to when you first started posting on the poetry forum (2007?). I didn't understand much of what you were saying, your posts contained many cryptic comments and riddles and they mostly went over my head. In this thread however, your wonderful photos (and commentary) have exposed a side of Casey I didn't dream existed... hows that for profiling? I have greatly enjoyed your artistic meanders and musings with E. and Mr. Darcy and Silver. Thank you. Hoping for more.

Ms V., I believe you'll have both: fresh perspective and luck. I believe that when you love, hard, the work you do, it will come to fruition. Maybe not quite how you expected it to, but it will. Especially if the work you do is art. Maybe because art, like Casey's photos, reaches a universal part of the psyche, and if it's well done, with hard and love and caring, it can't be ignored. Or maybe it's because Leonard indeed moves in mysterious ways: ...Or maybe both are one and the same.

XXOO & ...

[Violet]

... well, Casey, we haven't been having a lot of snow these days in these parts but today it's coming down strong.. they are predicting 8-12 inches, which is a lot for New York City.. I may have spoken a bit too soon about the Dark Night completely lifting.. I might have to trudge through some (burdening) snow for a while first.. then the big thaw, I hope.. best to you & E.. (hi I.F.).. v i o l e t (flower)... (back to English Breakfast tea with milk and honey.. and maybe later I'll have some nice hot chocolate)..

[Cate]

What a beautiful winter picture, I feel a bit like hibernating myself, find a nice cave away from the world and just curl up until spring comes back.

another winter song horchata

Love to you I.F. and Violet and to you too Casey (you really are very talented with a camera)


would somebody very kindly tap my screen when the flowers start to peek up again.
thank you xxxxxxxxxxxx

[Violet]

Cate.. wake up a minute.. no, there are no little crocuses peeking out from under the cold winter earth as yet.. at least none that I can see.. instead, this is just a belated hello.. as well as a belated thank you for the quirky Vampire Weekend number.. they’re sort of cute.. those vampire weekenders.. anyway, I too have been looking for those first signs of spring to help me out with my internal (as well as external) “thaw”.. ('til later, Cate)..

.. so.. Casey.. where the heck are ya??.. Gosh, I leave you alone for a few minutes, and look what happens?.. absolutely NOTHING.. gee wiz.. I mean, in the past it was exploding espresso machines and treacherous mudslides.. now it's.. just silence.. hmm..

.. anyway, I’ve been continuing with my odd (that's putting it mildly) esoteric research.. so things are percolating again in my brain after a very long while of being.. well, frozen.. in the Dark Night of the Soul sense, I mean.. Oh, and I was looking back at some of this thread, and saw how the number 7 had come up several times, it seems.. and well, it’s come up again in my research in a very big way.. so maybe I really was being alerted to how significant a number it is.. (or maybe the significance of the number was alerting me to something else.. I'll have to go check that again.. I'm only just starting to "thaw," you see.. so the brain's still a bit slow on the uptake, as it were).. now, what was I saying?.. oh, that according to my reading, some believe that there are, in total, seven layers, or "levels" to existence.. seven stopping posts, let's call them, for the soul's travails along the way.. (oh, and it seems that the reality we're all presently having to cope with is only the third, I'm afraid).. Anyway, as the story goes (and it's a very complicated story, truth be told.. far too complicated to get into now).. but, anyway, when you finally arrive at this seventh level, let's call it, that’s at the point where you're ready to "join the One," as it were, and so it’s peaceful sailing after that.. Of course, as you may have noticed, there’s hell to pay before that happens..

.. anyway, here’s a homage of sorts to your lovely photos, as well as to the number 7.. it's another of my little scrolling "film still" films.. and you guessed it, I repeat the photo seven times here.. Oh, it’s also dedicated to Ophelia (of Hamlet fame), as I'd brought her up before on this thread (and on others, come to think of it).. actually, for this post’s purposes, let’s say it’s my own woeful self as Ophelia.. as I contemplate the hallowed (if dark) seductions of deep, still waters.. illuminating the reticent mind's eye, in its myriad shifting reflections of the day's fading light..

.. "Oh, woe is me.. t'have seen what I have seen.. see what I see"..









.. not to ruin the mood here or anything, but wait -- WAIT JUST A COTTIN' PICKIN' MINUTE HERE.. I mean, who needs all this Dark Night of the Soul business, when maybe all I REALLY need is a.. well, a..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jnvgq8ST ... re=popular
FULL SCREEN..


.. I mean, notwithstanding all the winter greyness, I AM having a good hair day, after all.. signed.. the inimitable (I hope).. Ophe -- uh, v i o l e t (flower)..

p.s.. I'll get to writing that "sad poem in my journal," Casey (as per my sassy friend's advice).. just as soon as I can..

.. WHAT AM I SAYING???... I'll get to it PRONTO (!!!)..

.. (and post it here, if you'd like)..

[Cate]

Well Ms. V. the weather here has been mild and sunny all week and in fact there were some crocuses or croci?... plants, under the snow.

crocus 002.JPG (68.42 KiB) Viewed 2680 times

this is from tonight - I think this is the earliest they've come although I've had flowers every Easter since we've been here. (not to brag but our flowers come a couple of weeks before any of our neighbors - it's probably do to some problem with our foundation walls or something )

[Violet]

Cate.. I'm so glad you found some crocuses, peeking out from under that bejeweled looking snow-ice.. (oh, and you're much too modest to say so, but your blooms precede everyone else's on your street because, well.. you're both much nicer).. (you and your husband, I mean)..

As for myself, I haven't been upstate for quite some time, and so there's no sign of spring at all in this here asphalt jungle (which aptly describes my industrial looking neighborhood)..

.. anyway.. these pics of Casey's are nice ‘n spring-like, methinks..


.. actually, I'm wondering if Casey is okay, or if he's just grown tired of us.. (more likely me).. You know, Casey, if each thread is its own universe.. (and I believe this to be true.. or rather, they're all like parallel universes here, with Leonard the One God, as it were, unifying them all in some unknowable way).. anyway, in this particular threadom, you then become something like the reigning Mind’s Eye (as I tried to suggest in my last post, when contemplating the dying night’s resplendent waters, so beautifully captured in your pic).. In so speaking.. if you were to STOP posting your photographs.. or worse still, if you were to -- POOF -- take them away, suddenly (sort of like an angry god, as it were.. or demi-god, given Leonard's exalted status ).. why it would be like TURNING THE LIGHTS OFF.. in this particular universe, I mean.. (perish the thought)..

.. anyway.. I'll see if I can get to that sad poem, Casey.. and to some more "interesting" stuff (for a change).. hope all is well with you (and Mr. Darcy.. and E.. and Silver).. v i o l e t (flower)..

edit: this morning I did some tweaking up there in the middle somewhere, since my writing sense seems to be eroding for some reason.. actually, on this same topic, there's this other thread going on just now with this "Marisha" monster ravaging reasonable rhetoric, as it were, and just reading it is beginning to -- oh, never mind..

[imaginary friend]

Delightful to see you back Violet-Ophelia. Hey - can I borrow your gay best friend for a week?

It's serious spring in Vancouver. Cherry blossoms out, 50˚... last week it was the Olympics - ho-hum life is so lotus-like here. I hope you don't think I'm bragging or anything. If you do, then just consider all the recent earthquakes, and the fact that Vancouver sits right on top of the San Andreas Fault, and you will see, that, in life, we win some and we lose some.

Happy Spring, Violet, Casey, & Cate!

[Violet]

.. Hi I.F.. just thought I'd point out that it must be a "sassy" gay friend, or it won't do you any good at all.. Anyway, I'll let you know when I think I can let go of him.. I mean, there are a lot of very high bridges here, you know -- and I'm not talking about the pretty little country ones like the bridges in Madison County.. no, I'm talking about some seriously suicidal cliffs, so to speak.. so, I may need my sassy friend for a bit longer, as I do need to use these byways now and then, and.. well.. you know the rest..
v i o l e t.. (flower)..

[Violet]

WONDERING OUT LOUD SECTION

.. you know, I.F.. (and I.F., I hope you don't mind my addressing you, personally, for my new "wondering out loud" section of this thread (oh, actually, hi Cate, if you're there -- I can address you too, if you like).. anyway, I hope you gals don't mind, since it seems like Casey's flown the coup, as it were, or at least for the time being).. now, what was I just saying?.. Oh, the thing is I got to thinking, I.F. and Cate, about.. well, about who exactly takes care of our Sassy Gay Friends when they're in trouble.. and well, I realized.. I mean, at least in this case (as per the youtube clip below, that is).. that I, too, often find myself taking on such a caretaking role (actually, you have to wait a while for my character to show up this time.. it's toward the end, in the restaurant scene) (oh, and my lovely silk jacket is a pale violet color, by the way).. [to those of you new to this, I tend to become the heroines of these youtube clips].. [at least in the delusional part of my mind, I do]..

.. or maybe I'm just taking my (latest) Sassy Gay Friend's (semi) professional advice, and "being nice" to myself (for a change).. I mean by giving myself some credit (for a change).. (oh, plus.. I think I at least look pretty sassy here, even if my personality isn't quite as sassy as my gay friends'.. oh, but there I go again, putting myself down)..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fny40Ut_RZA
FULL SCREEN...


I mean, after all (and in the words of my latest Sassy Gay Friend),

I'm good enough, and smart enough.. and doggone it, people like me..

v i o l e t (flower).. drinking green tea today.. though maybe "I'll treat myself" to some hot chocolate later.. it's warm outside, but still quite chilly in here..

.. actually, now that I think about it, I'm not sure Stuart Smalley is supposed to be gay, and he's really not all that Sassy the way my last Sassy Gay Friend was Sassy.. anyway, I'm new to this whole Sassy thing, and so I'm probably just warming up (to give myself some credit here).. [oh, and I'm the one that knitted Stuart the sweater.. I didn't use my real name though, since it might give "violet" a bad rap if I did, and well, I'm on a "like myself" trip right now] [as the discerning reader will probably pick up on].. [oh, and if anyone out there wants a similar sweater, or some other homely manner of textile, just let me know].. [of course, Georges will not be pleased, I don't think].. [I mean, he used to like how I used my hands]..

.. actually (again).. it seems my delusional self knows no bounds (but then, that stands to reason.. sort of).. I mean, can I be both Stuart's caring nurturer woman friend and the Melissa D. person (so called) who knits him outrageously sexually-sublimated looking sweaters??..

[to be continued].. [maybe]..

[shaz]

Oh Violet!

[Violet]

Shaz,

I've been wondering how to respond to your posts to me today, both here and on the "oh, joy!" thread..

I actually do think you have talent, and could develop it more. The passage about the Rhododendrons is quite visual, and so it doesn't surprise me you say it's from real experience. Anyway, when I first saw all of your posts today, not just on my threads but on others as well, I admit to being a bit overwhelmed. I haven't read all of them, actually, but you seem to have a good heart, and a generous spirit, and yet still, I wasn't sure what to make of it all..

Oh, and the funny youtube bit I posted -- my little homage to my life coach, Matt Foley -- well, I've invited him here to remind us all that none of us are Bill Shakespeare, at least not yet.. and that if we truly want to write.. (even in that van down by the river).. we have to roll up our shirtsleeves, and exert a little elbow grease. The fact that you write poetry spontaneously means you have the blessed beginnings of what could be further refined into even better works. You do not have writer's block, in other words.. and many of us do suffer from that.. But then comes the task of reworking our words until they work.. even if it's true that sometimes the divine seems to work through us, and we may rather spontaneously produce something rather exceptional through sheer inspiration.. But I suggest that's fairly rare, and that even Bill probably labored over a good deal of his output.. (so, good to keep Bill in mind sometimes)..

.. okay, Shaz, may you continue to advance your obvious love of writing,

v i o l e t

.. oh, I just thought I'd post my Matt Foley material here.. sorry for the shaky cam, but it's the best youtube has on this..


I think I know what this place needs..
by Violet » Sun Mar 21, 2010 6:42 pm

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q7xZtDozXJE
FULL SCREEN...

[shaz]

Thanks Violet,
The inspiration comes from the emotive expressions that i am merely responding to.
In the energy of that thread and the feelings that i get from it.
The flowing comes from my momentary truth being told and based on my real experience
and identification with the recipient of the response.
So what i am really saying is that for this piece, you were the inspiration,
therefore, i think it is not mine, and, i dont see my part to dot the "i's" or cross the "t's"
Writing is not my passion, my passions flow and change often.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o53oM6hC ... re=related
Like in this song that tears are never far behind.
The painting attached is a painting that is based on the sound and movement of the
cheloist. If i continued to work on it, to make it "look" right, i would have lost the flow and the
movement of that moment. I am exhausted after yesterday...
I will be back, but today i have a script that is not working for me, and a site that needs completing
for a friend whom i love and want to finish it, it about freedom of speech
All i can really say today, is that in honesty of the moment... words will flow

Thank You for your kindness

Shaz