fool watching

This is for your own works!!!
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mat james
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Joined: Sat May 27, 2006 8:06 am
Location: Australia

fool watching

Post by mat james »

fool watching

We had picked and shovelled
an hour before.
This claim was only small
and shallow by a miner’s rule
and the dirt was soft and fertile.
I dragged the spade across the floor
loosened the surface of intent and care
and softened that sweet bed more.

Thoughtfully, she spread
my old padded checkered shirt
to futon comfort
and scented shroud
for a nosey friend.

The journey from their van
across our yard
was as measured
as their solemn demeanour,
and those quiet tones of re-assurance
agitated my fragile equilibrium:

I had not wavered since that phone call;
I did not falter now:
- yet their uneasy calm
alerted me to a vulnerability;
or a well rehearsed charade?

never mind; it must be done
and it was.

Cradling the warm and limp
and lost forever
I watched a fool choke and cry.


MatbbgmephistoJ
Last edited by mat james on Mon Apr 27, 2009 3:49 pm, edited 2 times in total.
"Without light or guide, save that which burned in my heart." San Juan de la Cruz.
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linda_lakeside
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Joined: Mon Sep 13, 2004 3:08 pm
Location: By the sea, by the sea, by the beautiful sea..

Re: fool watching

Post by linda_lakeside »

This touched me - not just in content, but I think it was sweetly laid out - well, written. There is a rim of saline just above my lower lid.

Linda.
~ The smell of perfume in the air, bits of beauty everywhere ~ Leonard Cohen.
imaginary friend
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Joined: Fri Jun 22, 2007 5:09 am
Location: Vancouver, Canada

Re: fool watching

Post by imaginary friend »

A farewell told with dignity. Thank you Mat.
Cate
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Joined: Tue Nov 06, 2007 4:27 am

Re: fool watching

Post by Cate »

How quickly our world can change.

This is touching and well written; I've read several times this morning and I'm sure I'll read it several times more.
I like Linda phrased it, it's not just the content ... I felt this way too.
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Jimmy O'Connell
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Location: Ireland

Re: fool watching

Post by Jimmy O'Connell »

Liked this one... BUT..

I am confused. I presume it's a pet that died. If so then the first two stanzas are either redundant or they are in the wrong place, or are too much, or need editing.
I'm not sure about the title.
Again I am confused. Who is the fool? and who is watching? and if it doesn't matter then the title doesn't matter, if the title doesn't matter then why have a title????? Or are you being deliberately ambiguous? If so why? What is the point? If you have a reason I don't get it... but then I admit I AM stupid!!!!! Maybe the poem is not about what thought it was...

Fool Watching
The journey from their van
across our yard
was as measured
as their solemn demeanour,
and those quiet tones of re-assurance
agitated my fragile equilibrium:

I had not wavered since that phone call;
I did not falter now:
- yet their uneasy calm
alerted me to a vulnerability;
or a well rehearsed charade?

Never mind; it must be done
and it was.

Cradling the warm and limp
and lost forever,
I watched a fool choke and cry.
Oh bless the continuous stutter
of the word being made into flesh
-The Window-
imaginary friend
Posts: 1371
Joined: Fri Jun 22, 2007 5:09 am
Location: Vancouver, Canada

Re: fool watching

Post by imaginary friend »

Hi Jimmy!

I disagree re. the first two stanzas – for me they set the scene. The grave is prepared with care, as a miner would prepare his claim. It is lined with a soft old jacket, to make it comfortable for a faithful friend – a last gesture of affection. It is puzzling to read these two stanzas alone, but when the rest of the poem is read, it becomes clear, conveying the dignity with which a loved animal is laid to rest.

For me, the watcher was the dog's master (who has kept himself strong to cope with what must be done), watching himself weeping (a fool for breaking down?) as though watching someone else...
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mat james
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Joined: Sat May 27, 2006 8:06 am
Location: Australia

Re: fool watching

Post by mat james »

Jimmy,
imaginary friend has it in a nut-shell...and yes, the "ambiguity" you refer to is deliberate to allow for a tumble of reflections/interpretations to occur in the reader's mind. And the dusty vista should hopefully settle to imaginary friend's clear view.

thanks for the feedback and regards to all.
Last edited by mat james on Wed Apr 29, 2009 1:47 pm, edited 1 time in total.
"Without light or guide, save that which burned in my heart." San Juan de la Cruz.
katrin
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Joined: Tue Sep 26, 2006 5:14 pm

Re: fool watching

Post by katrin »

:)
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mat james
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Joined: Sat May 27, 2006 8:06 am
Location: Australia

Re: fool watching

Post by mat james »

8)
"Without light or guide, save that which burned in my heart." San Juan de la Cruz.
Harry S
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Joined: Sat May 02, 2009 1:58 pm

Re: fool watching

Post by Harry S »

fool.
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