leonardcohenforum.com

My fingers are blades
That slice mythologies

My fingers also worship your thighs.

My fingers are blades
That slice dictators

My fingers also remember
To stroke the thousand moons

Inside your soft, dark body.





http://inam-poetry.blogspot.com

Very nice in the nicest sense!!
I would drop "also" in lines 3 and 6... to give it more punch...

Jimmy

@ Jimmy: hey thanks so much for taking time out to read this

I used "also" more as a transition point between the two diferrent tones that the poem juztaposes. But you may be right.

a really beautiful poem; it has it all, a stately tone, powerful imagery, a refined grandeur. Really a fine piece of work.
If i were to offer one possible criticism, which i am loathe to do, as it has little to genuinely change the poem, you might revise the use of the word "mythologies," to simply myth. But it is so minor. Not to be too effusive, but really a beautiful poem.

@raugust7: Hey I really appreciate your feedback. Feels real nice

So you're into women pretty big time. That's cool, but they're not furniture. Each one is different, unique and should be respected as such. Lennon sang Woman is the nigger of the world...We make her paint her face and dance But you know this don't ya'?

Take care,
Boss

@Boss: Does it look like I am treating them like furniture?

I didn't know what to make of this. It kind of creeped me out, as a woman.