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Poem B:


"Dear Angela"

Dear Angela,
I'm writing you for many reasons,
but mostly 'cause I miss you.
There's so many things I wish I had the opportunity to do,
especially kiss you.
My only real bragging right is that I can say
you spent 6 months of your life in conjunction with mine.
That is something I could never forget...
even if I tried.
But there's no reason why I'd ever want to forget you.
Nothing ever felt so shitty as when you weren't around.
That smile used to kill me every so often when I felt happy...
yeah, I remember it now.

It's been so long since I've seen you
or even heard your voice.
I never thought it would be this hard--
how I wish your feelings were the same as mine,
but it was your choice.
Somehow I think that it wasn't, though.
With all the shit you'd been through,
I wouldn't imagine the possibility
that there was anything else you could do.
I remember every word you said to me
about not wanting a relationship, not even a friend.
I hate to break it to you, but you've got a real admirer;
loyal and faithful 'til the end.

There was something about you, and I am certain it still exists...
I can't quite put my finger on it... it just can't be defined.
But I think the root of my attraction is your undeniable beauty
from your person to your heart to your mind.
You read Bukowski, listened to T. Rex, liked to knit...
even thought my music was pretty good.
I went to that Lou Reed show and you were right behind me.
I wanted to tell you something important,
but didn't know if I could.
You had a beer with me and Patrick one time.
Though nothing much happened, it still made me feel unbelievably well.
I put the Stones' "Angie" on that CD I made for you,
just for kicks, with a buncha other special songs, but I bet you could tell...

You put your arms around me that night when you left.
It wasn't the best embrace in the world, but good nonetheless.
I stood by the door as I watched you drive away,
hoping, in the back of my mind, that I'd see you again someday.
That day has never come, and all that I've got are my memories.
In fact just last night, as so often it happens, you were the subject of my reveries.
But there's just one more thing I need to mention, and before I start crying, too...
The only thing that I do know for sure is that I'm so in love with you.

Love always and sincerely yours,
[writer's first name]

Hi~

Terribly sad tale. Well written. If it is wholly invented, the detail is amazing. If it is from experience, the telling is well crafted.

Enjoyed this very much.

Thanks,
Laurie

Thank you.



It is real.

Now that is a great story, and reads so true. Poignant. Lovely. Nice one, T.

Diane

TERATOGEN
Damn, man. You are so much in touch with your feelings and are wonderfully descriptive. I am sorry that you had the experience but happy that you wrote such a good, tho sad, poem.

i am not sorry that i had the experience. i think it was good for me. not necessarily the sad parts... it only added fuel to the neverending fire of rejection. though i couldn't imagine those 6 months without her around me. only because i had a bigger problem in high school with the fear of talking to girls. she was really the first one that i spoke to face to face about going out. even though i was shot down, it helped me a little bit with asking out girls (that is, when i used to think i had a chance). she is also 4 years older than me. hahaha. i dunno what made me think i had a chance...

just so you all know, i did wind up seeing her again, i believe it was about a year ago. maybe not that long. she came down to visit her grandparents, who live right nearby the store i work at (and where she used to work), and she came in to buy her grandfather a birthday card. she was all smiles and i was all smiles and it was only a few minutes but i was smitten all day and then later that night i hated myself for letting myself feel that way. it was good to see her, though, and good to see her smile once again.

but i do thank you all for your compliments.

Dear Teratogen ~

When those feelings arrive allow them to flourish. They and the endorphins they release are good for you. We need that state of mind and being, it can come to seldom as we grow older, and it sustains our sense of being alive. Luxuriate when it happens.

What this suggests is simply not true:

when i used to think i had a chance

Keep being open and keep trying. You are still so young and the ways of love will find you if you give them a chance.

Love,
Elizabeth

lizzy, thanks for trying to help, but i've been thinking that would happen to me for a LONG time now. it makes me question whether or not i'm doing the right things. and i don't think i am.

How old are you Teratogen? I know you're not 'that' old, enough to be giving up, as discouraging as I know it is.

Perhaps, you're trying too hard or not hard enough... I'd need to have descriptions of particular encounters to get a 'hit' on what may be going on.

~ Lizzy

Ah, shall I venture into the valley of advice without being directly asked or shall I depart via the draw? LOL Hey, mon, you are a MAN. WOMEN want MEN as much as MEN want WOMEN (by and large with the usual notable exceptions -- I'll recount sometime for you my losing effort to pick up two beautiful lesbians sometime) And YOU are even, if I can discern anything from your writing, a very thoughtful, intelligent, steady, caring and introspective person. I cannot fathom that there are not many young women who would absolutely LOVE to know you and likely fall in love with you. Can the self doubt and continue to risk that thing all we men fear all our lives, rejection, and circulate until that 'chemistry' strikes you and someone else simultaneously. When that happens move mountains if necessary to be sure you do not lose the chance to be happy in love. All the best, Teratogen.

Excellent, broad-spectrum advice, Nightstalker. Would've done well to have followed it myself a few times .


~ Lizzy

i am 22. hey... the ONE girlfriend i had in my life i was 16 (i was a sophomore in high school) and it lasted a full month and ended BITTERLY. not only that, but she claimed to be a lesbian after we broke up. and i believe she did a few things over in that direction, but then she also began seeing a close friend of hers (a male, and not only that, but GAY too) and i know for a fact that they got physical. so, things were VERY confusing and fucked up during that time.

lizzy, i wouldn't mind giving you detailed accounts of several girls, but it would take a lot of time that i'm not sure you're willing to give. i'm not sure i'm willing to give it either!

nightstalker, thank you for your advice. it's actually not bad. i'd like to think that i have SOME kind of redeeming quality, but then again, i AM the teratogen.

there are some times that i am grateful to be a bachelor. but then i reminisce that i would have loved to have shared many of my experiences with someone else in my life.

Teratogen wrote:i am 22. hey... the ONE girlfriend i had in my life i was 16 (i was a sophomore in high school) and it lasted a full month and ended BITTERLY. not only that, but she claimed to be a lesbian after we broke up. and i believe she did a few things over in that direction, but then she also began seeing a close friend of hers (a male, and not only that, but GAY too) and i know for a fact that they got physical. so, things were VERY confusing and fucked up during that time.

There was a queer from Rangoon
Took a lesbian back to his room
They sat up all night
Having a fight
As to who should do what and to whom. (note the grammatical correctness there)

I hope this lightens your mood T.

Any objections to the Limerick to be directed to the estate of the expert Kipple bloke.

Hi Teratogen ~

I'm behind on my PMs, but am certainly willing to read all you would have to say in describing your experiences and give you some feedback. You will be writing more than I will need to say in response. I'm guessing you'll want to do it privately, but if you do it here, I'll respond along with everyone else [no doubt]. Women are probably your better barometers for such things, as we tend to be able to tell you how it would affect us... and then you can gauge accordingly from there. There might also be some glaring things you've said or done that have affected your outcomes. I'm willing to listen and give you my ideas.

Please don't ever consider that 22 is old, much less too old, for this area of your life... there have only been approximately seven years for you, where 'relationships' is an issue. That's nothing. Nothing.

~ Lizzy

Excellent. Your writing is outstanding on this forum i think.