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I deleted my post. No need for me to share all my feelings!

Good point.

I wonder if it could be that by nature, people don't like to be reminded of their own mortality. I think, as hard as it is (for me anyway), it is important that we try to meditate on just that very thing.

"Memento Mori"..... as Marcus Aurelius said.

Vickie

hodie mihi cras tibi

Everybody deals with death in different ways -- there is no one correct way to deal with it, and that applies to those who have lost a loved one as well as to those who may (or may not) choose to respond to the news of someone else's death or loss. Death and how each one deals with it is extrememly personal, and nobody has the right to tell other people what they should do or how they should respond. Furthermore, not everyone needs or wants the same kinds of acknowledgements from others (perhaps especially from total strangers) when someone they love has died: some people may prefer to deal with it quietly and alone, or to share their grief with only their closest friends and family, while others may wish to include anyone and everyone in their grief.

I would never assume to know why another person chooses to take certain actions or to refrain from certain actions, but I do assume that people have their reasons -- I certainly always have my own personal reasons -- and the only thing a person can say about a collective "we" is that "we are all different". Therefore, I find it extrememly presumptuous when people make unjustified assumptions about others, and when they lecture and try to shame those who have made different choices from their own: the view from one's own high-horse is not always as clear as they may think.

interesting discussion! as a teenager i read leona tyler's the psychology of human differences, a book that taught me how people deal with practically everything in different ways, not only death - which is what makes life so fascinating. respect for one another, as opposed to criticism, is an important building block in any constructive debate - not that i always remember that

After reading Lisa's response I felt bad and removed my original post. Who the hell am I to judge other people's response to grief and loss? Just wish things were a bit different around death and dying. That's all.

For Pete's sake. I think what you wrote was no more presumptuous than someone calling it "presumptuous". I just took it as a reminder that if you go before I do, I dang well better say something!

Don't give it another thought.

Vickie

i'm not getting involved in this argument because i never take sides, didn't say anything horrible and am the nicest person here - everyone knows that.

I missed what you originally wrote, Dar. I loved the wisdom that permeates Lisa's response, though.

That's all I can say, as I have such limited information.

~ Lizzie

lizzytysh wrote:I missed what you originally wrote, Dar.

that's why it's important to visit this place as frequently as possible, lizzie - for otherwise one could miss a juicy snippet or two. in this instance it was two ladies with completely opposite views, and as a person who has studied the dynamics and effects of what we in the trade call 'the amygdala hijack' (a potentially volatile interaction) - i know better than to get involved.

I just want to clarify that I was, in no way, trying to invalidate or criticise dar's personal feelings and thoughts about death and how she chooses to express and to respond to it -- people feel the way that they feel, and that is just who they are. But, I always recognise that people are individuals and I think that they should be respected for their own individual ways of being, and for how they feel, think, and choose to act (barring actually harming others), and when I find myself included in a collective whole that is being negatively judged and chastised, in this case, merely for failing to take certain actions, I tend to speak up -- that is who I am.

I did not want to create a situation with my post in which people would take sides, because it is not a matter of me versus somebody else -- this is not a school-yard fight, and I was not trying to initiate an argument. Rather, I simply wanted to point out that it is worth bearing in mind that there can often be many sides and many complexities when it comes to thoughts, feelings, and actions, whether it is with respect to death or to anything else, and thus "you're with me or you're against me" is usually an unfair and false dichotomy. I believe that my point was taken, and for that, I am appreciative.

I have, actually, thought about what dar originally wrote with resepct to how she deals with death (and how she wishes others would follow suit), and I will actually bear that in mind in the future, because her way is not at all wrong (and I never suggested it was), even if it may not be something that comes naturally to an introverted and individualistic person like me.

I truly hope that everyone has a great day!

Thanks for this Lisa. I have no doubt you are kind, caring and compassionate - as are many others here. I'm surprised at myself that I did jump on here and be judgmental because I've learned a lot about introverts and those who prefer to keep their thoughts private. But, just so you know, I grew up on the streets of Chicago and I might be able to kick your ass in a brawl... then again, you seem pretty tough yourself!
Be well and all the best.

dar wrote: ↑Sun Apr 30, 2023 9:19 pm ...But, just so you know, I grew up on the streets of Chicago and I might be able to kick your ass in a brawl... then again, you seem pretty tough yourself!...

I can hold my own in an intellectual fight, but a physical brawl? Yeah, you'd probably kick my ass, if you could catch me (my instinct on such matters is to run away and/or hide -- I couldn't hurt a fly!).

dar wrote: ↑Sun Apr 30, 2023 9:19 pm But, just so you know, I grew up on the streets of Chicago and I might be able to kick your ass in a brawl...

which begs the question; who might win if two people who grew up on the streets of chicago have an ass-kicking brawl?