Geoffrey wrote: ↑Sat Nov 08, 2025 2:05 pm
...it's just that i always felt that writing too much using first-person pronouns hinted at a narcissistic personality...- and i don't want people to think that of me...
I would like to add a footnote to my previous comments about using first-person pronouns. There are times when it is arguably inappropriate to use first person pronouns, namely, when one is writing formal non-fiction, such as a book about the history of art during the Habsburg Empire, or an academic essay on themes in Plato's Republic, or presenting scientific evidence based on research that has been done, that sort of thing. That kind of writing should (arguably) be exclusively about the subject matter, and not about the author, and therefore, first-person pronouns would be out-of-place, because what an individual thinks or feels about the subject matter would not be relevant. I suppose that one could write an introduction to such a piece, in which they express their own thoughts and ideas and feelings about the subject matter, but they should probably keep that separate from the main work.
However, in everyday, personal interactions, especially when so many people communicate with each other by text, in online platforms or on a phone (which really should be no different from they way they would interact in person, speaking face-to-face), using first-person pronouns is totally acceptable and, as far as I'm concerned, even preferable. It would never occur to me to think that a person is a narcissist simply because they use first-person pronouns: when I am talking to a person (in text or speaking), I want to know what they think and what they did/do, and what they feel, and the best way for them to express those things to me would be by using "I" when they talk to me. And, I use "I" and other first-person pronouns in exactly the same way: to express my own thoughts and feelings and ideas and experiences, etc..
Of course, if one talks incessantly about themselves and never lets anybody else get a word in edgeways, then that may well reflect some sort of personality disorder or maybe just social ineptitude, but that is a completely different matter altogether than somebody who simply uses "I" when talking about their own thoughts, feelings and experiences.
To remove oneself (the "I") from what one says/writes, in personal communication, for me, makes a person seem rather cold and remote, as if they are refusing to share anything about themselves. At worst, they strike me as not very interesting people, if they have nothing to say about themselves. I enjoy talking to people who have interesting minds, who are curious and interested in a lot of things, who enjoy a diversity of hobbies and activities, and who can thus talk with me about things that they have been doing or thinking about. And, that involves them saying things like, "I just finished reading a really interesting book; I attended a wonderful concert; I've been thinking about the interconnections in nature", or even more mundane things, like, "I tried a new recipe last night; I bought a new houseplant" -- it doesn't have to be deep or intellectual, but I like it best when it is about them. If they have even basic social skills, then they will allow me to share my own thoughts and ideas on what they have said, and they will listen to whatever I talk about -- that is how people have conversations, exchanging with each other their own thoughts, feelings, ideas and experiences.
Besides, in my experience, people who tend not to talk about themselves often talk about other people a lot, frequently making assumptions and generalisations about other people (which I hate), and even revealing personal information about other people that seems to me to be an infringement of their privacy (spreading gossip and hearsay, etc). I don't like talking to people about other people -- I want to talk to a person about themselves. And, that necessarily -- and preferably -- involves them using first-person pronouns.
Of course, everybody is different, everybody has different perceptions and hang-ups, and perhaps it may be the case that some people tend to project their own idiosyncrasies onto other people, believing that if they think and feel a certain way, then so does everyone else (at least, I have encountered evidence to suggest that some people are like that), but that is something that I have never done. It has never occurred to me to think that anybody else thinks or feels the way that I do, and perhaps as a result, I tend not to worry about what other people think, because they will think what they think, regardless of anything that I might say or do. For instance, I am quite certain that everything I have just written will be completely disregarded by anybody who does not share my thoughts and feelings on these matters, for these sorts of things are probably quite deeply ingrained in a person's sense of self, in their personality, in their inclinations, all of which are not easily, if ever, changed.
If you, Geoffrey, feel more comfortable avoiding first-person pronouns, for whatever reasons, then keep doing it. Or, use them, if it makes you feel better about yourself. But, I would hope that whatever choices you make, you make them because they reflect who you are, as a person, and not who you think others want you to be, or how you think others perceive you. Of course, if you care more about what others think about you than what you think about yourself (even if you are possibly wrong about what others think!), then go on doing whatever you feel is best. I can only tell you how I think and how I feel and what I do, which is why I use first-person pronouns as often as I do -- not because I am a narcissist (I am anything but!), but because I know myself very well, I am the one living my life, and my point-of-view is the only one I have, and thus the only one that I can justifiably and reasonably share when I have conversations with people. And, in those conversations, it is always my hope that those with whom I am talking can and will share a bit of themselves with me, in the first-person!
I can just imagine what such a story would be like -- perhaps not entirely appropriate for young children!