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Stay Awhile
Posted: Sat Dec 24, 2011 6:05 pm
by Moonshyne
I dread the dark day, when your voice falls silent.
When your journey leads to another road.
When your kisses of wisdom no longer sing to
our souls. Battle on my friend, your torch
still burns bright. The night wind, but whispers
a hymn to soothe thy soul.
© 12/07/2011 ~JLM
Re: Stay Awhile
Posted: Fri Jan 13, 2012 1:37 am
by fishfishquaileye
Moonshyne wrote:I dread the dark day, when your voice falls silent.
When your journey leads to another road.
When your kisses of wisdom no longer sings to
our souls. Battle on my friend, your torch
still burns bright. The night wind, but whispers
a hymn to soothe thy soul.
© 12/07/2011 ~JLM
kisses = plural
sings = singsular
why a comma after "wind"? was that a grammatical wind-up? why is
but butting in, without decent need or context ?
why
your torch but
thy soul. torches have an equal right to be pretentious, don't they?
have you noticed the section for writing by forum members?
©orrections 12/01/2012
Re: Stay Awhile
Posted: Sat Jan 14, 2012 12:45 am
by Marisha
why do you have to criticise him?
Re: Stay Awhile
Posted: Mon Jan 16, 2012 1:26 am
by fishfishquaileye
I have given a very good chance for Moon to shyne but she has not responded to my many corrections. I find this highly shame.
©overed in sadness 01/16/2012
Re: Stay Awhile
Posted: Fri Jan 11, 2013 10:20 am
by Moonshyne
I am a poet of the heart not an English major.
The night wind, but whispers
a hymn to soothe thy soul.
I used a comma after night wind to add emphasis to the pronounciation of "The night wind" and to make the pronounciation of "but whispers a hymn to soothe they soul," softer in pronounciation and that is why I also choose to use "thy" not because it is pretentious but because it has a gentlier sound to its pronounciation.
No I didn't find the section for forum members...
Thanks for sticking up for me Marisha, but I am a woman.
Re: Stay Awhile
Posted: Fri Jan 11, 2013 5:41 pm
by Tchocolatl
Here is the section for struggling with poems. Others are for struggling with flowers. And perls. And wind, wine, whine, winning and why. With shadows sometimes.
"Kisses are entitled to sings as long as the kisses linger like one langourous one and the lovers does not separate their lips for more than one inch between two kisses." Page 1, Poetic License Book of the Moon and Other Satellites.
It is a fact.