Little Poems I wrote - Feedback Appreciated

This is for your own works!!!
User avatar
Jimmy O'Connell
Posts: 881
Joined: Thu Aug 17, 2006 10:14 pm
Location: Ireland

Re: Little Poems I wrote - Feedback Appreciated

Post by Jimmy O'Connell »

Manna,
I always thought the story was that the frog turned into a prince not that the princess turned into a frog...
Cad a tharla a Chailin?

Seamas
Oh bless the continuous stutter
of the word being made into flesh
-The Window-
User avatar
Jimmy O'Connell
Posts: 881
Joined: Thu Aug 17, 2006 10:14 pm
Location: Ireland

Re: Little Poems I wrote - Feedback Appreciated

Post by Jimmy O'Connell »

Serious comment, Manna.

Nice images, and I see the red... but... I really... really have a problem when one is asked to write a poem on a given theme. I believe it to be a pointless exercise... Where's the soul...???
Your prose piece was better. There really really is a very good poem there...
Oh bless the continuous stutter
of the word being made into flesh
-The Window-
Manna
Posts: 1998
Joined: Fri Feb 09, 2007 6:51 am
Location: Where clouds go to die

Re: Little Poems I wrote - Feedback Appreciated

Post by Manna »

I had a prose piece?

and I think I fixed the picture. It seemed to take a vacation.
User avatar
Jimmy O'Connell
Posts: 881
Joined: Thu Aug 17, 2006 10:14 pm
Location: Ireland

Re: Little Poems I wrote - Feedback Appreciated

Post by Jimmy O'Connell »

Prose piece:
"Everything about the rain fascinates me...."

Maybe I shudda read it as a poem....???
Oh bless the continuous stutter
of the word being made into flesh
-The Window-
Manna
Posts: 1998
Joined: Fri Feb 09, 2007 6:51 am
Location: Where clouds go to die

Re: Little Poems I wrote - Feedback Appreciated

Post by Manna »

gee, I was just writing. talking. I didn't consider that a "piece" at all. ha ha ha.
User avatar
Jimmy O'Connell
Posts: 881
Joined: Thu Aug 17, 2006 10:14 pm
Location: Ireland

Re: Little Poems I wrote - Feedback Appreciated

Post by Jimmy O'Connell »

... and what is a pome anyway...???
Oh bless the continuous stutter
of the word being made into flesh
-The Window-
Red Poppy
Posts: 1262
Joined: Tue Nov 08, 2005 10:30 pm
Location: Ireland

Re: Little Poems I wrote - Feedback Appreciated

Post by Red Poppy »

Jimmy O'Connell wrote:Where's the soul...???
Fellas, mainly, have been trying to work that one out for centuries! :lol:
Manna
Posts: 1998
Joined: Fri Feb 09, 2007 6:51 am
Location: Where clouds go to die

Re: Little Poems I wrote - Feedback Appreciated

Post by Manna »

:roll: Fellas...

Easy, my soul is kind of wrapped up in my body.
User avatar
Jimmy O'Connell
Posts: 881
Joined: Thu Aug 17, 2006 10:14 pm
Location: Ireland

Re: Little Poems I wrote - Feedback Appreciated

Post by Jimmy O'Connell »

A Chailin,
The idea, though, is to try and get it wrapped up into the poem...
Oh bless the continuous stutter
of the word being made into flesh
-The Window-
Red Poppy
Posts: 1262
Joined: Tue Nov 08, 2005 10:30 pm
Location: Ireland

Re: Little Poems I wrote - Feedback Appreciated

Post by Red Poppy »

Yes, in the main (unfortunately or otherwise) the searchers have been men. A few exceptions. Perhaps that's why it has never been located :razz:
User avatar
lizzytysh
Posts: 25531
Joined: Thu Jun 27, 2002 8:57 pm
Location: Florida, U.S.A.

Re: Little Poems I wrote - Feedback Appreciated

Post by lizzytysh »

If they'd just stopped and asked for directions... :roll:


~ Lizzy
"Be yourself. Everyone else is already taken."
~ Oscar Wilde
Manna
Posts: 1998
Joined: Fri Feb 09, 2007 6:51 am
Location: Where clouds go to die

Re: Little Poems I wrote - Feedback Appreciated

Post by Manna »

Jimmy O'Connell wrote:A Chailin,
The idea, though, is to try and get it wrapped up into the poem...
It's impossible to keep it out of anything you do.

But I know what you mean about poor Salsa Diana and that dying pheonix sunset. I didn't see that scene anywhere else than in my imaginization, pulled out of a smattering of words that meant red. Like those fridge magnets that are words.

For a creative writing class, I don't think it's bad to have an assignment. You can get away with a lot in a class like.
User avatar
Jimmy O'Connell
Posts: 881
Joined: Thu Aug 17, 2006 10:14 pm
Location: Ireland

Re: Little Poems I wrote - Feedback Appreciated

Post by Jimmy O'Connell »

Manna, a Chailin***,

Both "Salsa Diana" and especially "dying phoenix sunset", are beautiful images, but if I were running a creative class I wouldn't let you get away with the images only. I wudda pushed you.
I probably would get you to expand on what emotion etc etc is driving the image... it's the energy behind the images that is where the soul begins to be revealed.

Lizzy,
What about if there are no maps?
We are in the realm of the unknown here, and men (controversy ahead) are congenitally attracted to the realms of the unknown, while our lady companions prefer what is secure, what is home.
Men want to find a home; women are already at home.
For the masculine it's the journey, the process, that matters; for the feminine, it's the being there, the content that matters.
Poets and artists, mainly men (RP, I tend to agree), are involved in the journey of the soul, of the Dark Night of the Spirit, of discovery and then moving on, like Odysseus returning to Penelope, and getting himself into a lot of (intersting) bother on the way.
Very Jungian...

*** Cailin (Irish) = Girl or Young woman
Cail = Old Woman or Witch.
To be bewitched = to be enthralled
To be in thrall to a Cailin, is to be made a slave to a girl.
Ahhh the pain and grief that is the nature of manhood!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh bless the continuous stutter
of the word being made into flesh
-The Window-
Manna
Posts: 1998
Joined: Fri Feb 09, 2007 6:51 am
Location: Where clouds go to die

Re: Little Poems I wrote - Feedback Appreciated

Post by Manna »

My friend Abbie recently said something that just didn't feel right for me. It's about a never-ending discussion in our lab. Behfar has imagined a situation where all things are equal between men and women, a situation where men and women have equal freedom to follow their hearts' desires, for equal pay, etc. He believes that if this were the case, women would choose professions and courses of study other than the philosophical.

I said I didn't think so, that I thought men and women have a pretty equal interest in figuring out how to think, what to believe, etc. I said that men and women approach the same problems, just with different faculty, from different directions.

Abbie walked in on our discussion and she said, "Well, yeah. Men are the thinkers, women are the doers." This was not the first time that I have felt more masculine than my sisters. There were a few of us standing around having this conversation. There were the ones who agreed with Behfar and Abbie, the abstainers, and me. I think a lot of what I don't get done is because I spend time thinking about it. I'm a Manna.

Later, I was showing Abbie a letter I had written for the purpose of introducing myself to someone I wanted to hire me. I addressed it simply:
Professor Pleiss,
Abbie read the letter, made a suggestion about something and then said, "And you might want to say Dear Professor Pleiss."

I gave a mild look like she was crazy. I said, "I don't think I can."
She smiled, "What, why not?"
- He isn't dear to me.
- It's just convention.
- But it isn't true.
- Yeah, but...
I said, "See? A thinker to a fault."

But I do tend to use landmarks rather than maps (or an aerial mental image) for finding my way. This is more feminine of me.
Manna
Posts: 1998
Joined: Fri Feb 09, 2007 6:51 am
Location: Where clouds go to die

Re: Little Poems I wrote - Feedback Appreciated

Post by Manna »

Jimmy O'Connell wrote:A Chailin,
The idea, though, is to try and get it wrapped up into the poem...
and he wrote:*** Cailin (Irish) = Girl or Young woman
Cail = Old Woman or Witch.
To be bewitched = to be enthralled
To be in thrall to a Cailin, is to be made a slave to a girl.
Ahhh the pain and grief that is the nature of manhood!!!!!!!!!!!
I think the idea is to get wrapped up in a girl.
Post Reply

Return to “Writing, Music and Art by the Forum members”