In Slovak : "It doesn't matter, Kush, love wins"Boss wrote:To nevadi Kush, milovanie je prvi
Thanks for taking me seriously Violet. It means a great deal.
Tchoc, do you see what I see, do you see what I see?
Boker tov,
Adam
In Slovak : "It doesn't matter, Kush, love wins"Boss wrote:To nevadi Kush, milovanie je prvi
This is so beautiful, Boss.Boss wrote:12th of March
I cannot. The days dry up in Indian summer March. It tops thirty degrees nine days straight. Pigeons coo, the sun falls in and I cannot. So many men hold the reins, so many stronger than me. I am but a speck. I sip my tea. Smile weakly at a man on tv. And insist, I cannot. Tonight I'll have my birthday cake with one or two others. I might get a phone call or message. Loneliness has been my companion some twenty years. So many nights I crawl into bed, swallow the antidepressant and curse. I battle melancholia. Day in, day out. This panic, this pain. And Elgar's cello just cuts in deeper into a memory immersed in anguish and regret. Does it please You to crush me, to see if I can hack it? To see if I bloom again after such a prune? I don't enjoy anything anymore; not the piss, not the ciggies, not the culture. I cannot. I failed much - architecture, primary teaching, my bar mitzvah. And I failed her. I cannot even begin without her. I stand here and deny all the psychology, all the philosophy, even all the religion in the world. I spit out the truth - I cannot do it.
And then love, it sings that I can.
In the Tibetan tradition (I read about this in a book by Anne Lamott, who got it from Carolyn Myss, who got it from someone who works for the Dalai Lama), 'when a lot of things start going wrong all at once, it is to protect something big and lovely that is trying to get itself born- and... this something needs for you to be distracted so that it can be born as perfectly as possible.' I tend to be the type of person who stubbornly praises failure and tries so hard to rely on nothing in the world of belief, but if I took comfort in something perhaps you can too.Boss wrote:Does it please You to crush me,