Page 2 of 2

Re: To the Lady in White

Posted: Sat Mar 29, 2008 4:19 am
by Alan Alda
Mat, with all due respect, your rhymes are dreadful.

Try writing out what you Really want to say, something Not rhyme-driven and go from there. The title is the least of your worries.

L

Re: To the Lady in White

Posted: Sat Mar 29, 2008 6:58 pm
by jill
I disagree with the last comment about rhymes. The topic of our forum makes beautiful use of that form. It may not be the latest fashion but why follow new trends blindly?

I would recommend that the title refer in some way to the thrill or the beauty of "the game" meaning the game of chess and the game of courtship. or a "chance encounter"?-taking a chance in chess and love? or a chase? or even checkmate? Jill

Re: To the Lady in White

Posted: Sat Mar 29, 2008 7:15 pm
by Alan Alda
I didn't say "all rhymes are dreadful," I said these here particular rhymes are dreadful.
(to be clear)

too/you
lips/ships
too!/deja-vu
hush/blush
tales/sails
too/do

Exhibit A would be the over-use of "too."

Re: To the Lady in White

Posted: Sun Mar 03, 2019 12:28 am
by mat james
Another proof that a poem is never completed.
I have always had fun playing around with this idea.

Mat, with all due respect, your rhymes are dreadful.
Alan Alda (Sat Mar 29, 2008)

I have worked on improving the rhymes a bit, but I'm not sure if it was successful.

Well I suppose I am a sensitive, slow learner. It has taken me 11 years to get over the above comment; ;-)
...but it was always meant to be a bit "tongue in cheek"; a dreamy Sunday set-up reverie sort of play-thing.
Maybe I forgot that for awhile...or maybe I just got lazy...

Sadly, only yesterday did I discovered that Bo Ho Judith is no longer with us. She was very kind to me (above) with her positive encouragement. In fact it was after learning of her "en passant" that I returned to this poem for a little reflection on our brief but happy encounter.
matj: This poem is utterly gorgeous. One of the finest I've read, IMO. I think Beckett, the Oresteia, O'Neill, The Lord's Prayer, St. Paul's "shipwreck," the glorious works. I'm thumbing through the index of my vividly gem-crammed thoughts wondering so many things. Ah, never mind; another time . . . Check, Mate!

BoHo
I would recommend that the title refer in some way to the thrill or the beauty of "the game" meaning the game of chess and the game of courtship. or a "chance encounter"?-taking a chance in chess and love? or a chase? or even checkmate? Jill
Well, I took up, at last, on Jill's ideas above and woke this morning with this dreamy solution for a title. I think it works beautifully.


en passant

Across the chequered board I stare
move a pawn, a bishop too
then catch a glimpse of you

across the Trojan seas. I sail
to Homer’s lands, classical lips;
the face that launched a thousand ships?

Across millenniums I float
lose a rook; a kingdom too!
could this be de-javu?

Across the crowded room you stare
I watch the board in solemn hush
did you see me blush

On Morphean seas? Once more I roam
Hellenic lands; romantic tales
weigh my anchor and loose the sails

upon the chequered board: I stare
past the scattered pawns on Aegean blue
...as only poets do.

Mat James

a Tribute to Fat James

Posted: Mon Mar 04, 2019 12:05 am
by solongleonard
I accept that this may be a little disrespectful. I took your labour of 12 years and parodied it in just over 12 minutes. I did it with affection and rhythm like that thing nice men do with their partners. I fucked it up becaue your work needed revival after a decayed start plus 2 more rotting years.


At the bearded Bard I stare
he’s into porn, as cardinals too,
then he catches a glimpse of you

At the Trojan horse, I malware
to Boho’s hands, classical hips;
the dates that launched a thousand pits?

Across millennia I am a goat
lose a cook; a kitchen too!
could this be day time?

Across the crowded room a stair
I watch the Bard with solemn brush
did you see his beardy hair?

On Morphine fleas? Once more a goat
Boho’s hands; romantic tails
weigh my Anchor butter and beat the sales

At the Prime Minister’s country home, Chequers, I paint
some scattered prawns in Aegean caves
as only fisherman faint.

Re: a Tribute to Fat James

Posted: Mon Mar 04, 2019 12:11 am
by Sideways
solongleonard wrote:
Mon Mar 04, 2019 12:05 am
I accept that this may be a little disrespectful. I took your labour of 12 years and parodied it in just over 12 minutes. I did it with affection and rhythm like that thing nice men do with their partners. I fucked it up becaue your work needed revival after a decayed start plus 2 more rotting years.


At the bearded Bard I stare
he’s into porn, as cardinals too,
then he catches a glimpse of you

At the Trojan horse, I malware
to Boho’s hands, classical hips;
the dates that launched a thousand pits?

Across millennia I am a goat
lose a cook; a kitchen too!
could this be day time?

Across the crowded room a stair
I watch the Bard with solemn brush
did you see his beardy hair?

On Morphine fleas? Once more a goat
Boho’s hands; romantic tails
weigh my Anchor butter and beat the sales

At the Prime Minister’s country home, Chequers, I paint
some scattered prawns in Aegean caves
as only fisherman faint.

I hated our marriage, solong. It is one of the worst I have ever been in. Your parody here is cruel. Why have you heartlessly inflicted this on Mat. You make me want to puke, you vainglorious bastard.

Re: To the Lady in White

Posted: Mon Mar 04, 2019 4:47 am
by mat james
12 minutes is a very long time for anyone to concentrate in the 21 Sanctuary! So thanks for the heartfelt feedback and sincere effort Geoffrey; you seem truly inspired. Of course I am humbled by your generous multi-dimensional talents.

I enjoyed this syn-thetic miss-quote from the Sue in you :)
Fat Mat;
you make me want to puke,
you vain and glorious
bastard
.
That is a beautiful compliment to this sauntering Antipoedian!!!

I,m quite fettish but not really all that fet, really...
When I was a kid
people would often say
"fet poeple were jovial and happy"

I wonder what they meant by "were"?
Could you paint that?
...now there's a challenge 8)

thanks for being their two
it can get a bit lonely around
here in time...


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VlWiQ69DGE0

(vain) yet Gloria Fetmet