It's me again Heathcliff ~

This is for your own works!!!
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Heathcliff
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Joined: Mon Oct 03, 2005 11:02 pm

It's me again Heathcliff ~

Post by Heathcliff » Mon Oct 03, 2005 11:09 pm

I'm trembling, deathly frightened - having to dissemble these feelings of utter loneliness and lovelessness, just because the world expects and demands of me, as a male to do this. All about me. Who careS? I don't. I don't want anyone else to either. I'm just a selfish, pathetic moron, whose heart and soul have no value. Just a body that was taken advantage of. I've been Lied to. Cheated. Ruined. My body used. In the cruellest way. Even though my heart was fragile, and they damn well knew it was. I won't be able to trust a woman ever again.EVer.Ever. 'I love you' will always mean 'I'll leave you' to me now.
Christmas will be here soon. I'm crying as I write this. Where is Laurie? June? Anyone. Anyone!
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Vince
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Post by Vince » Tue Oct 04, 2005 11:12 am

My body used. In the cruellest way.
Give me the name
and telephone number
of this harlot
I'll sort her out.
8)
Heathcliff
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Post by Heathcliff » Tue Oct 04, 2005 3:34 pm

I've had to stay at home these last two days, and try and sort my mind and soul out. But I'm afraid it's over. Another 10 years of me waiting and suffering to find someone.
I really cared about this lady, deep down, in my soul.

"I being poor, only had my dreams. Tread softly, for you tread on my dreams....."
:cry:
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Vince
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Post by Vince » Wed Oct 05, 2005 12:35 am

Why 10 years?
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linda_lakeside
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Post by linda_lakeside » Wed Oct 05, 2005 9:24 am

Heathcliff,

There is a way to feel again. Feel love. Simply write a poem to your love, rhyming the words, June and Moon. All shall be yours.

Linda.
Heathcliff
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Post by Heathcliff » Wed Oct 05, 2005 2:29 pm

Vince. Because my dreams have been destroyed, and it will be a long time before I will find them again. I just feel it will take years. YEars. I don’t know if it will take 10 years, who knows I don’t know anything anymore.

Linda_lakeside. Yes, yES, I've done all that and I don't know what else to do I've tried so hard, I did nothing wrong. NOThing. At least I don't think I did. Where do I go from here? How can I trust anyone again? All I want is to find someone who I can have a relationship with that can last for the rest of our lives. Everyone says I’ll learn. I can't see that I can learn anything from this. Surely it will make me even worse? Won't it erode my confidence and trust - won't it make it even harder next time to open up to someone? I don't know where to turn I just need to know what will happen.
Heathcliffe
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Post by Heathcliffe » Wed Oct 05, 2005 3:28 pm

This is me too, when I came back on monday I couldn't remember my password to log in so I registered again. I just wish I could turn back the hands of time and go back to march when I was still looking for my twin flame. My first real relationship and I feel like I've been cheated on from the start and used.
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lizzytysh
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Location: Florida, U.S.A.

Post by lizzytysh » Wed Oct 05, 2005 3:40 pm

Dear Heathcliffe ~

I prefer the latter spelling of your name.

I've been following your sharing and discussion here. I'm sorry to hear how badly you've been hurt. With its being your first time out, the hurt is even harder to bear, as you came into it with such higher expectations.

At this point, Heathcliffe, healing seems your best avenue.
I just wish I could turn back the hands of time and go back to march when I was still looking for my twin flame.
Now [and in the future, as far I feel, personally], it seems to me the very best route you could take would be to stop looking. When you're looking, your perception of what you 'find' is inherently altered by the fact that you were looking. Focus on yourself for awhile; the world of women and potential lovers and life mates will still be there. Consider what makes you happy, apart from women, and focus on those things for awhile. It seems you need a breather, as the wind has been knocked out of you. You need time to recover and to heal. You will become more attractive to women in the process, as someone who is able to maintain their own, healthy interests, and not project all of their needs [neediness] onto them; a process that results in resentment against you, as it's impossible to be the ultimate solution for another person's happiness.

I wish you the best, as I hate to see a man, who seems to truly care, harden against the world of love and all that it has to offer.

~ Lizzy
Heathcliffe
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Post by Heathcliffe » Wed Oct 05, 2005 3:43 pm

R KELLY - If I Could Turn Back The Hands Of Time Lyrics

How did I ever let you slip away
Never knowing I'd be singing this song some day
And now I'm sinking, sinking to rise no more
Ever since you closed the door

- If I could turn, turn back the hands of time
Then my darlin' you'd still be mine
If I could turn, turn back the hands of time
Then darlin' you, you'd still be mine

Funny, funny how time goes by
And blessings are missed in the wink of an eye
Why oh why oh why should one have to go on suffering
When every day I pray please come back to me

I'd never hurt you (If I could turn back)
Never do you wrong (If I could turn back)
And never leave your side (If I could turn back)
If I could turn back the hands

There'd be nothing I wouldn't do for you
(If I could turn back)
Forever honest and true to you
(If I could turn back)
If you accept me back in your heart, I love you
(If I could turn back the hands)

(If I could turn back)
That would be my will
(If I could turn back)
Darlin' I'm begging you to take me by the hands
(If I could turn back the hands)

I'm going down, yes I am
(If I could turn back)
Down on my bended knee, yeah
(If I could turn back)
And I'm gonna be right there until you return to me
(If I could turn back the hands)

(If I could turn back)
If I could just turn back that little clock on the wall
(If I could turn back)
Then I'd come to realize how much I love you
Love you love you love you
(If I could turn back the hands)
Heathcliffe
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Joined: Sun Mar 20, 2005 12:07 am

Post by Heathcliffe » Wed Oct 05, 2005 3:46 pm

Lizzytysh. I'm still off work. I'm going to make a coffee and read your words again. Thankyou. Thankyou.
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Tri-me
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Post by Tri-me » Wed Oct 05, 2005 5:04 pm

A broken heart can be the worse kind of pain, maybe because of the mental anguish that goes with it. Sometimes I think it is cruel that we crave a mate so stronlgy and it comes so easy to some, very hard for others.
I do not wan to give up on the hopes of finding a man, but it is not the main focus.
Heathcliffe I will tell you something about women. Well the women i would be friends with. We don't really care what you look like or how much money you make, what we care about is how you make us feel. If you are caring and loving, share a sense of humour and interests that is more satisfying than a man who is working all the time and wants to spend all his free time with his buddies. A man who is so self centered that he does not notice yur hair cut, or if he does notice it can't be bothered to comment. "It's nice, you know it is nice what do you need me to say anything about it."
It is amazing to me how rare and random attraction is. I have spent time with very nice men, but there is nothing. I know a few who make me weak in the knees, they are very different from one another. Unfortunately they both live many miles away from here and I only see them once or twice a year. I have to think that there is a mn out there I just haven't made contact.
My grandmother met the love of her live when she was in her late 50's. They had a very healthy relationship. They each lived in their own homes, Basil would pick Betty up after lunch and they would spend the afternoons together and evenings. Basil would bring her home around 9pm. Saturday night she stayed over, they called Saturday night "ding night". They were very much in love, and died 3 months apart. They were both in the palliative care unit at the same time.
Love seems to have its own time table, I would rather wait ten years for a great relationship than get into one for the sake of it that is not good enough.
A broken heart is a terrible feeling, but it proves that you are loving, caring and have feelings, which is very important. There are so many who would just shrug their shoulders as if they did not care. These are the ones I would avoid. Heathcliffe you are a man of substance it will show, don't hide away.
Hugs and kisses
Cheers & DLight
Tri-me (tree-mite) Sheldrön
"Doorhinge rhymes with orange" Leonard Cohen
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lizzytysh
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Post by lizzytysh » Wed Oct 05, 2005 5:26 pm

Dear Heathcliffe and Tri-me ~

Such a beautiful, detailed, compassionate response Tri-me has given you. All of it true. So much sage information for you to take to heart and build upon.
It is amazing to me how rare and random attraction is.
So true.
. . . they are very different from one another.
True again ~ back to scents and pheromones :wink: .

Lovely response, Tri-me. I enjoyed the story of your grandmother. What she's saying about you is also true, Heathcliffe.

~ Lizzy
LaurieAK
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Post by LaurieAK » Wed Oct 05, 2005 7:13 pm

Dear Heathcliff~

Quit whining and grow some whiskers.

It is my best advice.

Everything else, time will heal. No, scratch that. Time will suppress. Yeah, that's the ticket.

regards,
Laurie
Heathcliffe
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Post by Heathcliffe » Wed Oct 05, 2005 7:42 pm

Dear Lizzy, and Tri-me, thank you both of you for posting to me. I've copied them off to read again later.

Often I had high-praised myself at being a virgin at 23, and not just jumping into bed with someone to satisfy only my physical needs. Always I have wanted my love, and my sex to be spiritual - to mean more than just be a selfish satisfaction of me and my love.
Before I met this lady, I had never known a woman intimately. I'd never really known a woman in fact. Always, I've believed in relationships to be for more than just physical gratification. To be more than just to satisfy the two people in them. That the highest expression of love in a relationship is a love that will let the two people be free to be who they truly are, and accept each other for who they truly are, no matter what their perceived faults or quirks, and to stand by each other, to help each other grow, to share things together, to learn from each other, to teach each other, to help others, to bring enlightened new life into the world, to make a difference.
You can see how I thought I had found someone wonderful when I got an email like this:
I love you too. When I think about us being together and having a child that we can take care of it makes me feel so happy. We all have issues and blockages and it's in our best interest to face them at some point in our lives I'm going thru it too, the other day I was walking and I was thinking about how stubborn and independent I can be and I just started crying and thinking that I really didn't need to be like that for so much of my life, but that is what I did and it's ok, I went from thing to thing trying to get away from my past and my childhood and gave away all of my stuff from it so I wouldn't have to be reminded of those times, I never realized that I would meet someone like you that is as kind and caring , and that I would feel safe again. Overcoming your own personal blockages is for you to have, to feel good from the inside out, It's a gift to yourself, I love you and I don't expect it to be done for me, I don't like to fight, I just want us to create a life together that makes us both happy. When we talk about doing things, like we did yesterday please don't ever feel like you owe me something, what makes me happy is talking about it and creating it together and talking thru everything so we can get there, And we will, wherever we go and whatever we do we will be together and be happy and love each other and try to make the world a better place.
:cry:
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Ali
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Post by Ali » Wed Oct 05, 2005 8:09 pm

Hi, when I went through the mill a few years ago with relationships, I took some time out from them and learned to like living with myself. I filled up my time in a constructive manner - took some more qualifications and did some voluntary work. The most important thing you can do now, is learn not to blame (either yourself or ex-partner) and move on. Coming battered and broken Spiritually through a failed relationship, is one of the most painful things in the world, I do not underestimate the pain you are feeling.

Out of the blue I met my new partner, it was real love between us, because I had faced all my Daemons and carried no baggage over into our relationship and subsequent marriage. We have been together 7 very happy years at the end of this month. Interestingly, neither of us was actively seeking a partner when we met.

You sound like a lovely person, who does not see a relationship as a disposable commodity, carry your caring nature throught your life and you will meet your soul mate.

Ali
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