Four Sides of Feeling ( the mini-films)

This is for your own works!!!
Sideways
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Joined: Thu Feb 28, 2008 7:40 pm

Re: Four Sides of Feeling ( the mini-films)

Postby Sideways » Sun Apr 01, 2018 12:32 am

thank goodness most people are not as superficial as me..
yeah, well, errrrm, hum, yeah, ok, I dunno, articulation is not my fing, who cares, SHUT IT YOU MUPPET, blah blah blah
Sideways
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Joined: Thu Feb 28, 2008 7:40 pm

Re: Four Sides of Feeling ( the mini-films)

Postby Sideways » Sun Apr 01, 2018 10:09 pm

bobbyjmorris wrote:
Sat Mar 31, 2018 10:26 pm
Ugh... I noticed the same thing.



Don't despair. There is a young writer who used to frequent this forum. He goes under the name of "Geoffrey", although old friends simply call him Geoffrey.

He decided to branch out from poetry to sketching but his new career was cut short in 1974 when a passing Cockney observed on Live Television,slipping in to rhyming slang "cor, luvaduck, me old China, I can 'ardly Adam and Eve what bleedin' big brass bands" you got".

Geoffrey was completely crushed by this derision and has never been heard from again.

Here is a photo of Geoffrey about to sketch

Geoffrey hands.jpg
Geoffrey hands.jpg (5.78 KiB) Viewed 542 times
yeah, well, errrrm, hum, yeah, ok, I dunno, articulation is not my fing, who cares, SHUT IT YOU MUPPET, blah blah blah
bobbyjmorris
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Joined: Fri Apr 07, 2017 3:17 am

Re: Four Sides of Feeling ( the mini-films)

Postby bobbyjmorris » Thu May 10, 2018 9:42 pm

Recorded and performed a new piece this week.

Called "Promising Prospects"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CA0UYQcjHMI

Get on that yellow road bike and fly
Above cement, above society
Above the air even, above them holy saints
Give stability, spoon-fulls of anxiety

When the breath we inhabit takes over
And sings in our mind so loud
Our eyes can only glimmer gold
One becomes the proper form of proud

The basics: the brush and the bobcat
Jump to the top of one's priority pyramid
Politics begin to crawl on the bottom rung
They get knocked back into a prior period

When the dirt in ones mouth becomes fresh
And the dust in ones hair turns the world on
The purposes religion has become irrelevant
A queen or a rook is formed out of a pawn

Try and take this human glitter from my heart
Try and steal this natural light I am
Try and get close without becoming involved
In the worship of our dark bright, our colorful transparency, our loud silence, and independent familiarity
Without joining the ultimate and only rock and roll band

The human project is so much bigger than America
America is lucky to be included in the human project
There is no one more important than you, I or you
We are the world's most promising prospects
solongleonard
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Location: Justice round the corner

Re: Four Sides of Feeling ( the mini-films)

Postby solongleonard » Fri May 11, 2018 12:36 am

Enjoyable as ever, but I wonder if it is too stylised. I don't think that when I listen to Bukowski but your different is maybe a bit too repetitive ? I even wonder if it is, in places, a little try-hard.

Mixed feelings on the lyrics, so a few annotations below, in CAPS. Not at all a deep analysis, and all in good faith and intent

Get on that yellow road bike THAT MAKES THE READER HEAR THEN IGNORE"YELLOW BRICK ROAD"and fly
Above cement, above society CEMENT IS A CLASSICALLY UNPOETIC WORD, STREET IS BETTER THAN CEMENT
Above the air even, above them holy saints
Give stability, spoon-fulls of anxiety SPOON FULLS OF ANXIETY IS DECENT

When the breath we inhabit takes over
And sings in our mind so loud
Our eyes can only glimmer gold
One becomes the proper form of proud BUT WHAT ONE. DO YOU MEAN THE POSH "ONE"? NOT SOLD

The basics: the brush and the bobcat
Jump to the top of one's priority pyramid
Politics begin to crawl on the bottom rung ALL GOOD SO FAR
They get knocked back into a prior period "PRIOR PERIOD" JUST MAKES ME THINK OF THE LAST TIME SEX WAS OFF THE MENU

When the dirt in ones mouth becomes fresh GOOD
And the dust in ones hair turns the world on GOOD
The purposes religion has become irrelevant
A queen or a rook is formed out of a pawn CHESS IMAGERY IS CLOSE TO A CAPITAL OFFENCE, IT LIVES IN A FACTORY ON DEATH ROW

Try and take this human glitter from my heart MAYBE
Try and steal this natural light I am GOOD RHYTHM
Try and get close without becoming involved YES
In the worship of our dark bright, our colorful transparency, our loud silence, and independent familiarity "LOUD SILENCE" IS EITHER OVERUSED OR SOUNDS AS IF IT IS
Without joining the ultimate and only rock and roll band THE 27 CLUB?

The human project is so much bigger than America OBVIOUSLY IT IS
America is lucky to be included in the human project NOT BAD, AND IMPROVED BY YOUR VOCAL PRESENTATION
There is no one more important than you, I or you "YOU, I OR YOU" DONT THINK THE RHYTHM JUSTIFIES THE ODD
We are the world's most promising prospects BEST LINE, EXCELLENT LINE
bobbyjmorris
Posts: 24
Joined: Fri Apr 07, 2017 3:17 am

Re: Four Sides of Feeling ( the mini-films)

Postby bobbyjmorris » Mon May 14, 2018 9:52 pm

Wow, your feedback confirms so much. It feels good to be criticized like this. Thank you.

Yes, I think the repetition can be an avoidance of the changes that call out to be ridden. Perhaps in an att not to avoid the trying-to-hard changes that also present themselves as options.

Thank you for your time and thought,

Bobby
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Geoffrey
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Re: Four Sides of Feeling ( the mini-films)

Postby Geoffrey » Mon May 14, 2018 10:58 pm

bobbyjmorris wrote:Wow, your feedback confirms so much. It feels good to be criticized like this. Thank you.
all honour to 'solongleonard', but it was me behind it. without my psychological manipulation and subtle coercion a critique of your work almost certainly would never have come from him.
solongleonard
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Location: Justice round the corner

Re: Four Sides of Feeling ( the mini-films)

Postby solongleonard » Tue May 15, 2018 5:08 pm

bobbyjmorris wrote:
Mon May 14, 2018 9:52 pm
Wow, your feedback confirms so much. It feels good to be criticized like this. Thank you.

Yes, I think the repetition can be an avoidance of the changes that call out to be ridden. Perhaps in an att not to avoid the trying-to-hard changes that also present themselves as options.

Thank you for your time and thought,

Bobby

you are very welcome. I really wish I had time to offer something rather more detailed but I am glad that was of interest to you
solongleonard
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Location: Justice round the corner

Re: Four Sides of Feeling myself

Postby solongleonard » Tue May 15, 2018 5:43 pm

lklklklklk;lk;l;l;l;l;l;l
Last edited by solongleonard on Tue May 15, 2018 6:03 pm, edited 2 times in total.
solongleonard
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Location: Justice round the corner

Re: Four Sides of Feeling myself

Postby solongleonard » Tue May 15, 2018 5:51 pm

solongleonard wrote:
Tue May 15, 2018 5:43 pm
Geoffrey wrote:
Mon May 14, 2018 10:58 pm
bobbyjmorris wrote:Wow, your feedback confirms so much. It feels good to be criticized like this. Thank you.
all honour to 'solongleonard', but it was me behind it. without my psychological manipulation and subtle coercion a critique of your work almost certainly would never have come from him.
The Lesser includes the Greater, we (or just you) all know that. As you have been my inspiration ever since birth (yours being 17 years earlier than mine, De gamle er eldst.) it follows that my crit was both inspired and guided by you. A Geoffrey needs his Muhammed Ali like a solongleonard needs a soshort Geoffrey.

There is an olde Norwegian saying, which of Norse you doubtless know. The truth contained within this is what keeps my great affection for you alive, (despite all your provocation and attacks on Wholly Innocent Me)

Blind hǿne kann og finna eit konn. -

Also "Hvis du drikker vin, kan det ha alkohol"
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Geoffrey
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Re: Four Sides of Feeling ( the mini-films)

Postby Geoffrey » Tue May 15, 2018 6:07 pm

solongleonard wrote:There is an olde Norwegian saying, which of Norse you doubtless know. The truth contained within this is what keeps my great affection for you alive, (despite all your provocation and attacks on Wholly Innocent Me)
listen, you two can start sucking each others' dicks as much as you like, but let me remind the pair of you that it is yours truly who is responsible for the poem being analysed at all! i can play anyone like a violin, everyone knows that, and without my input early on you would not ever have considered giving that piece more than a cursory glance. one of the basic rules of politeness is that credit should always be given where it is due, regardless of how tempting it is to bask in glory and ignore the motivator (ME!). to be frank, i don't worry whether my participation is appreciated or not, it is just so disappointing to witness two people who lack fundamental knowledge of social etiquette.
solongleonard
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Joined: Tue Jan 03, 2017 1:51 am
Location: Justice round the corner

Re: Four Sides of coleslaw ( the mini-size please)

Postby solongleonard » Tue May 15, 2018 8:06 pm

Geoffrey wrote:
Tue May 15, 2018 6:07 pm
solongleonard wrote:There is an olde Norwegian saying, which of Norse you doubtless know. The truth contained within this is what keeps my great affection for you alive, (despite all your provocation and attacks on Wholly Innocent Me)
listen, you two can start sucking each others' dicks as much as you like, but let me remind the pair of you that it is yours truly who is responsible for the poem being analysed at all! i can play anyone like a violin, everyone knows that, and without my input early on you would not ever have considered giving that piece more than a cursory glance. one of the basic rules of politeness is that credit should always be given where it is due, regardless of how tempting it is to bask in glory and ignore the motivator (ME!). to be frank, i don't worry whether my participation is appreciated or not, it is just so disappointing to witness two people who lack fundamental knowledge of social etiquette.
My Dear Frank, when I wrote my famous album about you, "Frank's Wild Ears" (copied later by Tom Waits), it was not just a tribute to your giant aural receivers but an acknowledgment of that phase of your life, (also known as "Geoffrey From Age 7 to 73 and still continuing") when I had to give you a helping hand up from the hole.

Recently when you strove to ignore the finest wordplay ever released on this forum (the reply to your Stanley Unwin comment) I felt sad for your struggle. Yet, despite the popular views of your conduct I am still not prepared to give up on you.

BTW my earlier post was addressed to you, not Bobbie. So stand tall and take responsibility. It would be only police. It is disappointing if you do not have the fuckamental knowledge of sexual intercourse.

Must go now as I am very hungry. I have only et 1 quette all day.

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