JOURNAL

This is for your own works!!!
SWITZ
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JOURNAL

Post by SWITZ » Tue Mar 22, 2005 9:52 pm

...AFTER SEVERAL YEARS MY CHILDREN RETURNED
EACH SLIPPING EASILY INTO MY LAP TO BE HELD
WE SANG, DANCED AND LAUGHED
A BRIEF TWO DAYS
AND NOW I WALK THROUGH THE HOUSE
AND I SEE WHERE THEIR BUSY HANDS
HAVE BEEN
PUZZLES, DRAWINGS, DRINKS, PARTIALLY
EATEN PIZZA
AND UNMADE BEDS
THAT I CAN'T TOUCH
John K.
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Post by John K. » Tue Mar 22, 2005 11:58 pm

This is a beautiful and pointed poem.

I am so thankful that I have my children with me every day. I love them so much.

If this story is true, my heart goes out to you.
I love to speak with John
He's a pundit and a fraud
He's a lazy banker living in a suit

http://www.johnkloberdanz.com
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lizzytysh
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Post by lizzytysh » Wed Mar 23, 2005 5:45 pm

Dear SWITZ ~

This is a poignant commentary on the residuals of time spent and your reluctance for that time to end. Your selection of the details created beautiful imagery of children at play enjoying themselves. These things, on a normal, daily basis don't have nearly the impact that they do when lost time becomes an element. I cannot imagine that this is not a genuine entry in your own journal of life. Beautiful. I hope for you to have more quality time with your children, before they are grown. Within a mere, few number of lines, you have revealed a broad spectrum of your life. Thank you for sharing this.

~ Elizabeth
LaurieAK
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Post by LaurieAK » Wed Mar 23, 2005 7:46 pm

Why did you choose this title?

regards,
Laurie
SWITZ
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Post by SWITZ » Thu Mar 24, 2005 2:57 am

THANK YOU FOR BRIGHTENING MY DAY

ITS FROM PAGE 117 OF A JOURNAL I WROTE FOR MY CHILDREN TO LET THEM KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE AND THOUGHT OF THEM


CRAIG
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linda_lakeside
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Post by linda_lakeside » Thu Mar 24, 2005 9:14 am

Just lovely imagery. I don't remark a lot on poetry, because I don't know a lot about it. But this did strike a chord with me. I enjoyed the poem as well as your explanation of the title.

Linda.
LaurieAK
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Post by LaurieAK » Thu Mar 24, 2005 7:53 pm

Hi Craig~

Thanks for the explanation about the title.

Hearing you have an entire journal dedicated to you children is poignant. But this is lost in the flat, non-descript title of "Journal."

Maybe expanding the title could help this out.

Such as:

Journal For My Children
(page 117)

Something like this would highlight that this is a snippet of an expanded train of thought and sense of loss-hence expanding on the poem to follow.
Just a thought.

regards,
Laurie
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lizzytysh
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Post by lizzytysh » Thu Mar 24, 2005 8:34 pm

I like that idea [a lot], Laurie. I'm hoping Craig will see it in the way you've explained.
SWITZ
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Post by SWITZ » Fri Mar 25, 2005 1:14 am

YOU ARE SO RIGHT LAURIE & LIZZYTYSH
I DO HAVE A TITLE FOR THE POEM, "WATCHING DREAMS SLEEP"

THANK YOU

CRAIG
LaurieAK
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Post by LaurieAK » Fri Mar 25, 2005 1:42 am

HI Craig~

Well, that is a very poetic sounding title, but i cannot see how it applies to your poem.

Can you explain, please (I can be Very dense).

thanks,
Laurie
SWITZ
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Post by SWITZ » Fri Mar 25, 2005 2:22 am

Laurie I stood in the door way and then sat in a chair all night watching my children sleep. I used the title of the poem for another song but later I shredded that up for other songs so now the title has come back to where it belongs.

craig



....another mile of silence...
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Anne-Marie
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Post by Anne-Marie » Sun Mar 27, 2005 5:00 pm

Hint: using cap locks will make a poem more intense.
Critic2
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Post by Critic2 » Sun Mar 27, 2005 5:06 pm

Anne-Marie wrote:Hint: using cap locks will make a poem more intense.
you loony, Anne_Marie! I pm'd this nice chap suggesting he dropped the caps lock and he did. all of a sudden I could read his posts withut getting a headache or imagining that he writes letters to famous people in green ink.

then, this nice Easter Sunday, in you stroll suggesting that he reverts to bleedin' CAPS LOCKS. tell me you were joking!
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lizzytysh
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Post by lizzytysh » Mon Mar 28, 2005 8:02 pm

I agree, SWITZ and Critic2, the caps lock doesn't make the poem more intense, but detracts from its intensity, as well as distracts the reader. In fact, I needed to work hard to concentrate to get the poem's meaning. All caps really is the equivalent of shouting [in cyberworld] and this poem is a reflective one of gentle love, deserving of the intensity that comes only through understatement. Caps are not only distracting, but antithetical to the poem's intent.

Dear SWITZ ~ I also actually prefer Laurie's suggestion for your poem, as your poem conveys a state of walking and observing the remainders from your weekend with your children; not standing in a doorway, observing them while they slept and were still there. The title she suggested also conveys accurately where it was placed; the fact that you are journaling, and that this event holds a holy place within that journal; and also is suggestive of a forward [future entries] and a backward [past entries] essence of time, a continuity, with your children and how they fall within your life and its other aspects that may be being journaled about.

Please take these suggestions in the loving manner in which they are intended.

~ Elizabeth
Andrew McGeever
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Post by Andrew McGeever » Mon Mar 28, 2005 10:14 pm

Dear SWITZ,
I'll pm you soon about "Journal"; promise.
Andrew.
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