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On the edge of caring

Posted: Tue May 05, 2015 3:55 pm
by mat james
On the edge of caring.

Unfortunately for some
and sometimes for me
I’m a six-gun
with a hair trigger

unfortunately for me
and sometimes for them
it’s the ones I love
that I shoot

fortunately for me
and maybe for them
love favors the stupid
as well as the brave
and kindred souls see beyond
a bad shot.

Mat James.

Re: On the edge of caring

Posted: Wed May 06, 2015 2:19 am
by Steven
Hi Mat,

I like the poem. Love often puts people into close range (pun not intended, though
it isn't a bad one). Sometimes for the good. Sometimes not. Glad that the character
of the poem isn't a good shot. :)

Re: On the edge of caring

Posted: Wed May 06, 2015 2:39 am
by mat james
Love often puts people into close range (pun not intended, though
it isn't a bad one).
Ha! great accidental line Steven. I should steal it!
(Feel free to add to my little poem if you like; that would be fun.)
Thanks for saying hello.

Mat.

Re: On the edge of caring

Posted: Wed May 06, 2015 2:50 am
by lizzytysh
Hi Mat ~

Hope you and she are still faring well, despite the close calls ~ effective way of making your point. True.

Good to see you here, as always.

Re: On the edge of caring

Posted: Wed May 06, 2015 3:02 pm
by Cate
It's so true, the people we love the most are usually the people we are most comfortable with and have the least inhibitions with - we trust them to love us even when we are our awful selves. 'I love you, let's take turns being terrible to each other and then we'll take turns being nice.'
Thank goodness love favours the stupid :)

the other Bob,
“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.” ― Bob Marley

Re: On the edge of caring

Posted: Wed May 06, 2015 4:40 pm
by lizzytysh
'I love you, let's take turns being terrible to each other and then we'll take turns being nice.'
Thank goodness love favours the stupid :)
GREAT quote from YOU, Cate!
“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.” ― Bob Marley
GREAT quote from Bob Marley!

BOTH so true!!!

Re: On the edge of caring

Posted: Sun May 10, 2015 2:18 pm
by mat james
Close Range

Unfortunately for some
and sometimes for me
I’m a six-gun
with a hair trigger

unfortunately for me
and sometimes for them
it’s the ones I love
that I shoot

fortunately for me
and maybe for them
love favors the stupid
as well as the brave
and kindred souls see beyond
a bad shot.

Mat James.


Steven's accidental "close range" may be a better title for the poem than "On the edge of caring".
What do you think, Lizzy, Steven, Cate, Boss or whoever?
"What's in a name?" you may ask...but poem titles can be interesting.

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Re: On the edge of caring

Posted: Mon May 11, 2015 2:53 am
by Steven
Hi Mat,

Many readers won't find it easy to see a basis for the original title within the context of the poem. Not sure
if I've found it; guessing that "edge" may have to do with the precarious condition that caring comes under
when other emotions get in its way. I'm partial, therefore (and maybe because I'm otherwise partial), to "Close
Range" as a title.

Re: On the edge of caring

Posted: Mon May 11, 2015 7:18 am
by lizzytysh
I like Close Range for this poem, too, Matt.
However, I'm hoping that you'll hold on to your original title, which I LOVE for its proximity effect, and write a poem that fits it. Knowing you, you could do a great thing with it.
Thanks for asking :)

Re: On the edge of caring

Posted: Fri May 15, 2015 5:52 pm
by Cate
I like Close Range as well. It fits well with the gun metaphor, as well as gives information about the target(s). 'On the edge of caring,' makes me think of somebody who has either 'gone off' and is just coming back to rational thought or somebody who isn't terribly concerned about the whole thing ... 'I almost care, almost'

Re: On the edge of caring

Posted: Tue May 19, 2015 2:10 pm
by mat james
Funny thing is I like both (titles)for the reasons you mention.
Thanks for your input. Your comment, Cate,
'On the edge of caring,' makes me think of somebody who has either 'gone off' and is just coming back to rational thought or somebody who isn't terribly concerned about the whole thing ... 'I almost care, almost'
is exactly the mood of the writer as he enters the poem.
And in a way it is the opposite of "Close Range"...

I don't know which is better??
But thanks for the suggestions, everyone. It was fun to roll around ideas.

I will leave it with its original title for now.

Regards,
MatbbgJ