if i knew your name

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angelbride
Posts: 25
Joined: Tue Jan 31, 2012 5:51 pm

if i knew your name

Post by angelbride » Fri Feb 01, 2013 11:58 am

solitude , remembrance
quickline of satifaction
embracing the provoked silence

glances depend , knowing every ocean
we are failed like drowned excuses
inprisoned and veiled

are you the one evaporating
into the winter spell
and when spring spelled
the dream from above

your withered in space below
vagabonds witted
like breathing into the moons
ray's of thunder

guessing who you are
felt the question leap
are commen saturation
of the deep end clear
Manna
Posts: 1998
Joined: Fri Feb 09, 2007 6:51 am
Location: Where clouds go to die

Re: if i knew your name

Post by Manna » Thu Feb 07, 2013 8:44 pm

I haven't read a poem like this in a long time. It seems entirely emotional. I sense loss, but there's not much to hold on to. Please check it over for typos. I'm not sure if you mean depend or deepened, your or you're, did spring spell or spill, ray's or rays, etc, etc. I like the failed / veiled sound.
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