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The House of Cards

Posted: Fri Jun 29, 2012 12:44 pm
by rmorgan
Wrecked cars on a concrete roof
Men sing of death and dying
Women dream of coloured hair
While foreign faces kiss the glass
Preparing to break in at last
Determined to demand a share

Debt and lenders run the prison
Shamelessly buy politicians
Trading and negotiating
Everything they get their hands on
All accounts belong to them
As the storm rips through the dawn
As the train comes rolling in

Old folks know the words you need
Christmas, Eid and New Year’s Eve
They know too well the flood that’s coming
Firstborn killings, days of judging
Hear the priceless words they speak
Sit and listen at their feet

All the visions double back
Dreams defenceless from attack
Abandoned on the open plain
Not a tree in sight to climb
Immobilized by all the weight
Of present day and ancient crime

As it turns out, it’s now too late
The house of cards comes crashing down
Its credit out of time and date
The self-appointed priests of hate
Are left to tend the fires at night
To keep the packs and prides at bay
For all the so-called good and great
Hanging from the hands of fate.

Re: The House of Cards

Posted: Fri Aug 31, 2012 8:57 pm
by Byron
As it turns out, it’s now too late
The house of cards comes crashing down
Its credit out of time and date
The self-appointed priests of hate
Are left to tend the fires at night
To keep the packs and prides at bay
For all the so-called good and great
Hanging from the hands of fate.



Wow.....not a suitable word of exclamation in a lyrical setting, but for me it sums it up.

Re: The House of Cards

Posted: Sun Sep 02, 2012 11:16 pm
by fishfishquaileye
Ruthy, and Irony Byrony, let us look together at the quoted verse, sentence by sentence, and let harshness fall gracefully in the greater cause of better writing in the futureth, on some othereth day


As it turns out, it’s now too late
soz, clumsy, all the words are too small


The house of cards comes crashing down
8 Cliché penalty points, house of bleedin' cards, OY!


Its credit out of time and date
if this be a credit card suggestion, I like- it would show the poem not to be entirely bankrupt


The self-appointed priests of hate
I think everyone likes self-appointed although it is a mystery why. Is there that much competition that people go "I don't care what you say but I'm a Priest of Hate" ?

Are left to tend the fires at night
half syllable too long, say it, you will see


To keep the packs and prides at bay
if this be a pack of cards suggestion, then ditto above


For all the so-called good and great
nope, don't get it


Hanging from the hands of fate.
a further 6 Cliché penalty points



the redeeming feature of this, Ruthy, is that it sounds like the writer was having fun.


all the besty

Fishy

Re: The House of Cards

Posted: Mon Sep 03, 2012 12:08 am
by Byron
I'm old. What the hell is "soz" ?

Re: The House of Cards

Posted: Mon Sep 03, 2012 12:32 am
by fishfishquaileye
Byron wrote:I'm old. What the hell is "soz" ?

soz, I forgot you were such an old geezer who may not know that "soz" means sorry. I thought, despite your ancientnosity, you were down with the kids. Obvs not.

Re: The House of Cards

Posted: Mon Sep 03, 2012 12:58 am
by Byron
Obvs ?

Oh bugger, venerable shxthead ?