In this letter I'm not going to discuss Mrs. Cate Change One Letter at a Time's prior wrongdoings. Instead, I intend to focus only on Mrs. Change One Letter at a Time's current, maledicent precepts. There are a number of reasons Mrs. Change One Letter at a Time isn't telling us as to why she wants to criticize other people's beliefs, fashion sense, and lifestyle. In this letter, I will expose those reasons one-by-one, on the principle that if it weren't for her double standards Mrs. Change One Letter at a Time would have no standards at all. Hence, it's absolutely a waste of time even to address her hypocrisy. That's why I'll state merely that if we're to effectively carry out our responsibilities and make a future for ourselves, we will first have to work beyond the predatory plasticity of Mrs. Change One Letter at a Time's stances.
I wish I didn't have to be the one to break the news that out of all of the pudibund savages I've ever known, Mrs. Change One Letter at a Time is clearly the most mumpish. Nevertheless, I cannot afford to pass by anything that may help me make my point. So let me just state that I feel no more personal hatred for Mrs. Change One Letter at a Time than I might feel for a herd of wild animals or a cluster of poisonous reptiles. One does not hate those whose souls can exude no spiritual warmth; one pities them. In the Old Testament, the Book of Kings relates how the priests of Baal were slain for deceiving the people. I'm not suggesting that there be any contemporary parallel involving Mrs. Change One Letter at a Time, but Mrs. Change One Letter at a Time indeed believes that all it takes to solve our social woes are shotgun marriages, heavy-handed divorce laws, and a return to some mythical 1950s Shangri-la. Unfortunately for her, that's all in her imagination. Mrs. Change One Letter at a Time needs to get out of that fictional world and get back to reality, where people can see that it is more than a purely historical question to ask, "How did her reign of terror start?" or even the more urgent question, "How might it end?". No, we must ask, "Why can't we simply agree to disagree?" Apparently, even know-it-all Mrs. Change One Letter at a Time doesn't know the answer to that one. It wouldn't even matter if she did, given that anti-intellectualism, hooliganism, and anarchism follow her footsteps. Wherever Mrs. Change One Letter at a Time goes, such things are sure to sprout up. The implication is that she has been exhibiting cruelty to animals. How can she perpetrate such an outrage against public propriety and decency? It's questions like that that undoubtedly get people thinking about how the first thing we need to do is to get Mrs. Change One Letter at a Time to admit that she has a problem. She should be counseled to recite the following:
I, Cate Change One Letter at a Time, am a caustic tosspot.
I have been a participant in a giant scheme to organize a whispering campaign against me.
I hereby admit my addiction to absenteeism. I ask for the strength and wisdom to fight this addiction.
Once Mrs. Change One Letter at a Time realizes that she has a problem, maybe then she'll see that she maintains that everything will be hunky-dory if we let her defuse or undermine incisive critiques of her covinous behavior by turning them into procedural arguments about mechanisms of institutional restraint. This is a complete fabrication without a scintilla of truth in it. What's more, if natural selection indeed works by removing the weakest and most genetically unfit members of a species then Mrs. Change One Letter at a Time is clearly going to be the first to go.
It's a pity that two thousand years after Christ, the voices of hostile mattoids like Mrs. Change One Letter at a Time can still be heard, worse still that they're listened to, and worst of all that anyone believes them. By this, I mean that she wants you to believe that clever one-liners are a valid substitute for actual thinking. You should be wary of such claims. Be aware! Be skeptical! Think! Do not be diverted, deceived, or mesmerized by Mrs. Change One Letter at a Time's wicked remonstrations. As a closing statement, let me emphasize that we have no choice but to stand uncompromised in a world that's on the brink of Mrs. Cate Change One Letter at a Time-induced disaster. The time to act is now.