Stay Awhile

[Moonshyne]

I dread the dark day, when your voice falls silent.
When your journey leads to another road.
When your kisses of wisdom no longer sing to
our souls. Battle on my friend, your torch
still burns bright. The night wind, but whispers
a hymn to soothe thy soul.

© 12/07/2011 ~JLM

[fishfishquaileye]

I dread the dark day, when your voice falls silent.
When your journey leads to another road.
When your kisses of wisdom no longer sings to
our souls. Battle on my friend, your torch
still burns bright. The night wind, but whispers
a hymn to soothe thy soul.

© 12/07/2011 ~JLM

kisses = plural
sings = singsular


why a comma after "wind"? was that a grammatical wind-up? why is but butting in, without decent need or context ?


why your torch but thy soul. torches have an equal right to be pretentious, don't they?


have you noticed the section for writing by forum members?


©orrections 12/01/2012

[Marisha]

why do you have to criticise him?

[fishfishquaileye]

I have given a very good chance for Moon to shyne but she has not responded to my many corrections. I find this highly shame.

©overed in sadness 01/16/2012

[Moonshyne]

I am a poet of the heart not an English major.

The night wind, but whispers
a hymn to soothe thy soul.


I used a comma after night wind to add emphasis to the pronounciation of "The night wind" and to make the pronounciation of "but whispers a hymn to soothe they soul," softer in pronounciation and that is why I also choose to use "thy" not because it is pretentious but because it has a gentlier sound to its pronounciation.

No I didn't find the section for forum members...

Thanks for sticking up for me Marisha, but I am a woman.

[Tchocolatl]

Here is the section for struggling with poems. Others are for struggling with flowers. And perls. And wind, wine, whine, winning and why. With shadows sometimes.

"Kisses are entitled to sings as long as the kisses linger like one langourous one and the lovers does not separate their lips for more than one inch between two kisses." Page 1, Poetic License Book of the Moon and Other Satellites.

It is a fact.