A man wakes up in hospital, bandaged from head to foot...
The doctor comes in and says 'Ah, I see you've regained consciousness.
Now you probably won't remember, but I'm afraid you were in a pile-up
on the motorway. You're going to be OK, you'll walk again, everything
seems to be OK, but there is a bit of bad news and I'm going to break
it to you as gently as I can. Your Willy was chopped off in the
wreck and we were unable to find it.'
The bloke groans a bit (as you do) but the doctor goes on, 'We've
checked your insurance and you've actually got up to £9,000
compensation coming to you and the good news is that we have the
technology now to build you a new Willy that will work just as well
as your old one, better in fact.
But the thing is, it doesn't come cheap.. It is one thousand pounds
The bloke perks up a bit at this (as you would.) 'So it's a simple
decision,' the doctor says, 'you need to decide how many inches you
But it's something you'd better discuss with your wife. I mean, if you
had a five inch Willy before and you decide to go for a nine inch
Willy now, she might be a bit put out. But if you had a nine inches
before and you decide only to invest in a five inches now, she might
be a bit disappointed.
So it's important that you consult with her to help you make the
The doctor comes back the next day.
'So' he says, 'have you spoken with your wife?'
'I have.' says the chap.
'And has she helped you to make the decision?'
'Yes, she has' he says.
'And what is the decision?' asks the doctor...
'We're having a new kitchen.'
Dublin 14th June, Manchester 20th June, O2 17th July, Matlock Bandstand Aug 28, O2 14th November, Royal Albert Hall 17th and 18th November 2008, MBW 11th July 2009, Liverpool Echo 14th July 2009