I just read this and it gave me a smile, hoping that it tickles you as well.
I Lose My Mind When You Leave the House
The plants are torn
The garbage strewn
The wires chewed
The couch and I had a fight
Your bed is soaked
Your liquor spilled
Your TV smashed
Your laptop no longer has any vowels
There's a Kindle in the toaster
There's a toaster in the toilet
There's a toilet in the hallway
There's underwear in my mouth
I went places I should never go
I saw a side of myself I should never see
I said things to the cat I can never take back
So please don't ever leave again.
by Francesco Marciuliano from I Could Chew on This: And Other Poems By Dogs