complete the poem.....(Haiku)

This is for your own works!!!
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Sandra
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complete the poem.....(Haiku)

Postby Sandra » Sat Jul 20, 2002 8:37 pm

I want to see your creativity.....don´t worry ......it is just a game..... :lol:

Complete this poem:

You in the daylight
.......................
George.Wright
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Postby George.Wright » Sun Jul 21, 2002 12:10 am

Your in the daylight
and space is out of sight
and so is the darkness of the night
and the second sight
and the wrong from right
and the godhead to bite
and the woman's right
and the sorrow's so bright
and the right to be a knight
and the Guinivered beds
and the crack to be fed
and a merry dance to be lead
and the right to be red
and the hymns and prayers said
and the whole fucking's things read
you cannot turn gold to lead
you will instead fuck up your head
and the four poster's practically flayed
you must disappear into the night...........................
georges
George.Wright
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To Sandra

Postby George.Wright » Sun Jul 21, 2002 12:15 am

:D The above poem was composed in five minutes
when i was inspired
was i creative enough?
Georges
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Sandra
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too long......

Postby Sandra » Sun Jul 21, 2002 12:50 am

:?
George,
I wanted a Haiku poem
(look in the Haiku corner)
but........well , now it is done

I anybody wants to begin a new one......(?) :wink:
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Sandra
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Postby Sandra » Sun Jul 21, 2002 12:53 am

George!
You are very inspired, then in the Haiku form it would be very easy for you......

the sentence I wrote before was
"If anybody wants to begin..........."
Andrew McGeever
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Postby Andrew McGeever » Sun Jul 21, 2002 4:17 pm

With reference to the above; George, you said that your "poem" (sic) was "composed in five minutes when i was inspired" (sic).
I have one comment and one question to put:
Comment: this is NOT a poem, merely embarrassing, bad verse.
Question: why did it take so long to write?
P.S. Why the need to use the "F" word ? I can only recall one occasion (in poetry which I've read) where the "F" word was used to effect...in Allen Ginsberg's poem "Howl".
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lizzytysh
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Postby lizzytysh » Mon Jul 22, 2002 2:02 am

Hi Sandra.....Since life without risk is a life not worth living [to paraphrase Socrates for my own purposes :) , I'll try:


You in the daylight
still glow from within, holding
the light of the moon.


That's my attempt.

~Lizzytysh

Alternatives:

You in the daylight
glow from within, still holding
the light of the moon.

OR

You in the daylight
glow from within, holding still
the light of the moon.

:wink: I better stop now.

Don't recall whether Haikus are titled, however if they were, mine would be: "Calla lilies, women, and moonstones" ~ the order in which they were considered, the natural images for which I wrote.
George.Wright
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To Andrew

Postby George.Wright » Mon Jul 22, 2002 3:03 am

I would hate to step off your high horse as i would break my neck (sic) but it would probally be cushioned by your ego.
Get a life and move into the 21st , the word FUCK is accepted into the english (dictonary) language, as for my inspiration, it is my right to decide to plunge into the pool of unknowing.
PS if you don't like my poem................click ignore
Georges
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lizzytysh
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Postby lizzytysh » Mon Jul 22, 2002 4:22 am

OK, second attempt:

You in the daylight
sounds of the night gone and I
with the eve await.

~Lizzytysh
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lizzytysh
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Postby lizzytysh » Mon Jul 22, 2002 4:34 am

3rd attempt [this is fun :) ]:

You in the daylight
worms hidden beneath the dirt
no fishing today.

~Lizzytysh
Last edited by lizzytysh on Mon Jul 22, 2002 4:58 am, edited 1 time in total.
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lizzytysh
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Postby lizzytysh » Mon Jul 22, 2002 4:41 am

4th attempt:

You in the daylight
surrounded by verdant hues
Spring returns again.

~Lizzytysh
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lizzytysh
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Postby lizzytysh » Mon Jul 22, 2002 4:47 am

5th attempt:

You in the daylight
As I'm calling it a night
Haiku season ends.

~Lizzytysh :wink:
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lizzytysh
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Postby lizzytysh » Mon Jul 22, 2002 5:30 am

6th attempt [topical for bedtime]:

You in the daylight
faeries of the night hidden
dancing beneath ferns.


Alternative:

You in the daylight
faeries of the night hiding
dancing beneath ferns.


Goodnite ~ Lizzytysh :)
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Sandra
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amazing Lizzitysh!!!!!!

Postby Sandra » Mon Jul 22, 2002 6:02 am

Lizzitish!!!!
:o I am amazed.......
Your have great creativity........
This one is my favourite of all you wrote:

You in the daylight
glow from within, holding still
the light of the moon
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Kush
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Postby Kush » Mon Jul 22, 2002 3:33 pm

Ok, lacking original ideas I came up with this....

You in the daylight
Nothing, merely a butterfly (in China)
In the night, a raging storm.
Your private life will suddenly explode - Leonard Cohen

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