relationship undone

[elazar]

brittle was the texture of your lips
as you turned to go
and scorned was the swivle of your hips
as my tears melted the snow

remind me once more
what is that you said
these petals that lie on the floor
were clearly born dead

it was something giddy
that you cast your net
and your hooks you set witty
and i the victim of some bet

but the chalk is retired
and the wires unwired
and i fall me to sleep
and the cupid people weep

dedicated to a girl
elazar

[babz]

I like this, Elazar.

A question: Line 3:
a) Was the speaker scorning the swivel of the hips
b) Or were the hips 'scornful' of the speaker... ?

Obviously if the latter, then the word should be scornful.

They both work, of course.
And I love 'cupid people' echoing stupid people.

Thanks for this.

Barbara

[elazar]

babz,
the swivle-ing hips are scorned by the speaker,
the swivle in this case is an act of scorn to the speaker too.
the part where the speaker falls himself to sleep is a reversal of his prior attitute where his tears melted the snow.happy you liked it,
salute
elazar