This is a poem I wrote when I was Queen of Sorrow

[Marisha]

I wake up and feel the pain which my middle class parents and teachers don’t understand

I hope to catch the bus but it leaves as if saying, not for you! You will t r u d g e! through life!

I search my feelings and find my HEART bleeding like a rat (which wanted cheese) trapped

and broken

b r o k e n



I come back home and I hope to DIE,

to be no more,

to hug and squeeze the ground instead,



My SOUL is lying there lonely,

driven over by the bus that didn’t want me,

it's lying there like a cat that wanted the rat

that wanted the cheese

that wanted to stay yellow

too much…

w

h

y

?????????

[Violet]

I wake up and feel the pain which my middle class parents and teachers don’t understand

I hope to catch the bus but it leaves as if saying, not for you! You will t r u d g e! through life!

I search my feelings and find my HEART bleeding like a rat (which wanted cheese) trapped

and broken

b r o k e n



I come back home and I hope to DIE,

to be no more,

to hug and squeeze the ground instead,



My SOUL is lying there lonely,

driven over by the bus that didn’t want me,

it's lying there like a cat that wanted the rat

that wanted the cheese

that wanted to stay yellow

too much…

w

h

y

?????????

.. that is the big question, Marisha: Why?.. and especially why the cheese wanted to stay yellow.. we may never know the answer to that one in particular..

.. I love the repetition of broken.. then b r o k e n.. (I don't remember you writing "pomes" before, I thought you were more into tropical fruit or something)..

.. anyway, this is just so "visual," Marisha.. I mean, for you.. I don't remember you configuring words like that before.. are you sure you're okay??

.. alright, I gotta go catch a train into downtown Gotham.. don't let the trolls around here get you down.. rest assured, they don't know a thing about poetry..

ever yours in the trade,
v. x

much later edit: thought "pomes" needed to be quoted..

[Cate]

That damn bus!!!!
What the hell heck is wrong with that dude or dame ... what crappy service!!!
… oh sure they spout on and on about ‘do your part - ride a bus … get squished, groped, forgotten and splashed for only half the price of gas’ I bet you, you did better walking – good for your thighs .

nice to see you by the way,
Cate (who is hiding her produce)

[Violet]

Cate (who is hiding her produce)

.. [Cate.. Marisha doesn't show up here much, and for you to be hiding your produce, well it puts us all here in a bad light, I think.. I remember a time when we all shared our produce profusely, even indiscriminat-- actually, I take that back, this only involved Marisha for some reason, but I remember there being a great deal of fruit, some of it slid way in the back of the fridge, even if sliding certain produce so far back in a contained cavity like that can have it go off.. and become flaccid, even (let's not even go there).. anyway, I'm sure some that are reading this might have just gotten home, and haven't even unpacked their produce yet, and so I just thought I'd pul, uh-- put it out there not to leave it too long-- though can it ever really be to-- night, Cate x]..


.. much later edits.. thought I'd look over this thread a bit, and took out two words here that seemed to stop the flow I thought..
.. oh, then I added two back in..

[Violet]

.. alright.. I have middle-of-the-night insomnia AGAIN.. this is really really really really really really really not good.. or in your parlance, Marisha:

W
H
Y
???????????????

.. oh, excuse me:

W

H

Y

????????????????

.. anyway.. lying there in bed I had a realization about your poem.. check this out:

I wake up and feel the pain which my middle class parents and teachers don’t understand

I hope to catch the bus but it leaves as if saying, not for you! You will t r u d g e! through life!

I search my feelings and find my HEART bleeding like a rat (which wanted cheese) trapped

and broken

b r o k e n



I come back home and I hope to DIE,

to be no more,

to hug and squeeze the ground instead,



My SOUL is lying there lonely,

driven over by the bus that didn’t want me,

it's lying there like a cat that wanted the rat

that wanted the cheese

that wanted to stay yellow

too much…

w

h

y

?????????

.. yes, it seems that, subconsciously, no doubt, the color yellow has some deep seated meaning for you.. of course, Freud might counter that sometimes a color is just a color, to which I might counter: sometimes Freud is an asshole.

.. anyway, I haven't figured it all out yet.. (oh, and I have no idea why your SOUL should be yellow, but it seems it is for some Unknowable Reason, I guess).. oh, and I suppose it's a school bus that did the hit and run (obviously, since it's yellow).. But other than that, I can't fathom why that color in particular has some resounding meaning for you.. You said you were the Queen of Sorrows when you wrote this.. now, if you'd said: Queen of Produce, that might be more of a clue.. but.. no such luck.. so, maybe Freud was right for a change, and nothing means anything at all, which is probably why you were so enraged as to write such a poem to begin with.

.. oh, my last mention is appropriate as it too involves this color.. now, you asked why the cheese wanted to be yellow too much.. I find it interesting that the fact the cheese wanted to be yellow at all didn't pose the conundrum so much as its wanting to be yellow "too much".. I actually think this the most hopeful and even significant part of the poem since it suggests you're fine with the cheese just wanting to be yellow, and even concurs with Freud's famous line: "Sometimes cheese just wants to be yellow."

.. I'm sure there are others here that can weigh in on this.. (though, just between you and me, I find most of them to be bananas).

[Cate]

oh, and I have no idea why your SOUL should be yellow

ahhh her very soul is yellow like a banana.

I hadn’t picked up on the yellow soul – that’s good V.
yellow of course means scared – (perhaps) she was the queen of sorrow because she was scared to live her life – just like in the house that Jack built a small event grew and grew … but since Marisha is a former queen of sorrow we have to assume that she was again able to mount that bus or banana as it was only her that was keeping her from getting to where she wanted to go.

(I love Fridays! I've already worked all of my hours for the month and now have to take off Monday so that I don't carry over to many hours )



(edit add - missed adding the word perhaps this morning which is an important word as it's pretty presumptuous to assume what somebody else feels or felt)

[Violet]

.. okay.. I'm literally running out the door as I write this almost, but yes, it did occur to me that Marisha's subconscious obsession with yellow (can one have a subconscious obsession?) has something to do with her being frightened.. or, as they say out West in this fine land "yeller".. (oh, and believe me, you don't waste time with Freud when you have a Winchester revolver to do your figuring for you-- although what would Freud say??.. about the obvious Glock substitute, I mean.. I mean, since they didn't have them yet)..

.. now, what was I-- oh, gotta' run..

v. x

[Violet]

(edit add - missed adding the word perhaps this morning which is an important word as it's pretty presumptuous to assume what somebody else feels or felt)

.. yes, Cate.. I'm glad you added that, or I was feeling that maybe I would have to censure you in private (although now you'll probably be disappointed)..

oh, and I have no idea why your SOUL should be yellow
ahhh her very soul is yellow like a banana.

I hadn’t picked up on the yellow soul – that’s good V.
yellow of course means scared – (perhaps) she was the queen of sorrow because she was scared to live her life – just like in the house that Jack built a small event grew and grew … but since Marisha is a former queen of sorrow we have to assume that she was again able to mount that bus or banana as it was only her that was keeping her from getting to where she wanted to go.

.. well, I could see her mounting the bus.. (and it does make for an intoxicating image).. but the banana?.. does one really "mount" a banana??..

.. oh, wait -- I think I spoke too soon..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OHcRs7JC_Q0
FULL SCREEN..

.. gosh, if this is Marisha, she seems built rather like a slender man, doesn't she?.. I like that alien looking latex top she's wearing, fashioned with the hands and fingers included.. oh, also, note how the latex goes over the head as well..

.. and so.. mounting a banana, as per this new [hmm.. I don't know law jargon all that well but I might proffer the word "discovery"].. um, discovery material, inauthenticated though it may be.. seems to give us some vital new information.. I mean, in the attempt at mounting such banana one does slide off the bed quite a bit, it seems (and that's gotta be slightly humiliating), and although at the end some effort is made to in some manner fondle said banana, there is in evidence here some "mounting" frustration.. uh, "perhaps".. (I mean, I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings)..

.. (Queen of Sorrows indeed)..

[mat james]

This is a poem I wrote when I was Queen of Sorrow

The title of your melancholic, heartfelt poem above suggests you have moved on from that "sorrow", M.
So, what about a poem telling us of where you are at now...beyond sorrow.
Perhaps Part 2? of your "sorrow" series.

Mat

[Violet]

.. Mat, I do think you're being a bit premature with that.. I mean, consider that it took a great deal of courage for Marisha to reach down into the deepest darkest passages of her past so to in some manner start to come to terms with it all, even if this is still largely unconscious on her part..

.. I mean, really Mat, this is just the very be--

.. wait a sec.. I think I'd like to dedicate a very special song to Marisha.. and I can just imagine her in her little alienated latex outfit as she listens to this, cryingly groping for that little pile of carefully folded latex panties-- uh, hankies, that she keeps beside her computer at all times.. her eyes never leaving the lonely screen.. her tears running down the inside of her little latex mask that she always wears because she's so afraid of being seen by a world that's cruel enough to have caused her to write such despairing words..

.. and so.. Marisha.. I dedicate this song to Y O U..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=__VQX2Xn7tI
FULL SCREEN..

[mat james]

I can read a trilogy and still enjoy ruminating over book one.

[Violet]

.. hi again.. I think the YOU dedication is better now -- (interesting how two of the letters are yellow, I thought).. you know, for someone so blue, it seems odd that yellow would be Marisha's-- oh, that's right (I keep forgetting about her concern for certain produce)..

.. you know I was supposed to maybe go to a party tonight, but decided to stay home, thinking I could get some work done, only now I'm feeling terribly antsy.. it's the night before Halloween, I guess that's what it is.. actually, earlier today, while I saw no banana outfits, I did see a costume involving a green apple.. it was a man with an old-fashioned black coat and a bowler hat with a bright green apple hanging down from the brim so that it was suspended sort of right between the eyes.. I went up to him and suggested Magritte, and he was so pleased that I recognized this.. seems he was beginning to think his references too obscure, that he was just "bobbing for apples," as some had suggested.. (I knew all my art training would pay off big some day)..

[Violet]

.. I thought it would be remiss of me not to mention that I spied a half-a-banana man today.. though only fleetingly.. seems he was a banana from the waist up.. it went up around his head with its end looming over him like a-- well, like the end of a banana, in fact.. he was with a very chic chick, actually.. (don't know if that was Marisha a bit more made up.. if so, I pray she experiences no "mounting" frustration this time)..

[Violet]

ANNOUNCEMENT:

I'm returning to University, and have decided to use Marisha's poem as seminal to my thesis: Comparative Transportation Issues in Post Freudian Word Play When English Fails Me..

.. (I'll keep you all posted)..



.. later edit.. as per Cate's not liking my "tranny transport" connection, which the pun part of my brain makes later.. I thought to switch from "tranny" to "transportation," given Marisha's, uh, "bus issues".. please, I mean no offense to school buses, or any other kind of bus, for that matter.. I am a universal, multilateral.. unilateral, even.. bus avoider, truth be told.. in fact, I'd walk miles and miles, if it meant I could avoid taking a bus.. so.. no particular bus to blame, I just hate all buses.

[Violet]

I wake up and feel the pain which my middle class parents and teachers don’t understand

I hope to catch the bus but it leaves as if saying, not for you! You will t r u d g e! through life!

I search my feelings and find my HEART bleeding like a rat (which wanted cheese) trapped

and broken

b r o k e n



I come back home and I hope to DIE,

to be no more,

to hug and squeeze the ground instead,



My SOUL is lying there lonely,

driven over by the bus that didn’t want me,

it's lying there like a cat that wanted the rat

that wanted the cheese

that wanted to stay yellow

too much…

w

h

y

?????????

.. in my preliminary work on my thesis this afternoon, I've noted this passage, which I've put in bold-face above -- oh, and which I've enlarged a bit -- oh, and underlined.. I hadn't realized this before, but due to this passage, it seems Marisha is carrying on the tradition of acute Western Nihilism first evidenced in Shakespeare's Hamlet, Act V.. (you know, when Hamlet's got the scull 'n stuff).. this comes as something of a surprise, and may indicate my thesis is in need of some expanding:

Comparative Transportation Issues in Post Freudian Word Play When English Fails Me, Oh, And When The Rainbow Isn't Enough

.. I do hope this satisfies the professors in the Comparative Transportation Issues Department.. they can be so.. [hmm.. need to change the adjective now that I've switched my thesis title].. they can be in such a rush sometimes.. (get it?.. transportation.. rush).. (sucks, doesn't it?)..

much later edits: as per prior post, I've changed the title of my thesis and this caused something which might have been funny (possibly) to become something that perhaps is just plain stupid.